Only time will tell.
You can tell a whole lot of tales, spin a whole lot of self-truths, and convince the people around you that you are sincere but only time will show if you are worthy of trust. In a way, time is the ultimate mirror. Through time, we get to see real beauty, to encounter colorful personalities, to see our true selves.
I stopped making promises I know I'll never be able to keep since years ago. "I promise to be with you forever", "We'll never be together", "I promise I won't go over 120 km/h". These are all mere utterances with the potential to become non-truths. No one can tell the future, and I am definitely incapable of promising anyone the future. What I can promise is anything that is within my control. I can promise to work as hard as I can to stay with you for as long as we can, I can promise to keep an open mind, I can promise to install a speed cut in my car. Then again, it all boils down to trust. And trust is something cultivated through time and communication.
I can say a lot of things but it's up to you to give me the time test.
Word of the day: I know myself well enough to know that I don't know myself very well
I feel like I'm walking in a cloud.
The first time I experienced true clarity was when I broke up with this real pain of a boyfriend. It was the most inspiring decision I have ever made in my life. Suddenly the world made sense again. It was like waking up from a deep sleep and stepping into a Technicolor reality. I can only look back at that moment in life with envy and wonder. Envy because I need that clarity and drive to move forward. Wonder because I have no idea what I have to do to achieve that mental state. Wonder because I don't know what I did to fall back into this meandering.
At this point in my life, my vision is obscured by a sea of possibility. Yet again, I have absolutely no idea which way to go. I rarely act on impulse... Except for that time I bought that RM70 cap that I've not once worn out in public... And that time I decided to eat another slice of that cake.
I read this book about one's initial reactions towards situations and how most of the time, the initial reaction is the right reaction. Maybe that's what I need to practice more often. Evidently my stance to wait and see how things turn out has not been particularly beneficial to me. I remember writing in a previous post something that goes, "When in doubt, just shut up and wait", or something to that effect. I think it's time I tried something new. Screw Starbucks, I'm going to Holly's tomorrow.
It's weird how you wake up one day and suddenly feel like you want to grow things.
Every time I receive flowers they normally just sit on my table in its packaging for about two days and then it's upside down, hanging on my door, dead. I like keeping things in their packaging. It looks good... It's supposed to look that way so i suppose I shouldn't tamper with it.
The first thing I did that day was cut open the wrapping and put the flowers in a jug of water. It's nice to see things grow. Maybe I'm beginning to appreciate real beauty more than the beauty I want to see. Death is unchanging. I make it the way I want to see it and that's just how it will remain. Growth, however, is unpredictable. Some flowers bloom, some die, some stay the same. But what's beautiful about it is that I have absolutely no control over the way it reacts. I trim the stems, I provide the water, I pop in the Panadol (apparently Panadol helps to keep flowers looking fresh for longer), I nurture it but if it wants to die, I can't do anything about it... Maybe throw it away so I don't have to look at it but you get my point right?
So yea... Lately I've been finding a real joy in watching things grow.
So I'm feeling awfully upbeat...
I think it's got something to do with the fact that I'll be done with my internship come end of next week. I am overwhelmed with ideas and impulse thoughts about what I could do with this window opportunity. There's so many things I want to do, I want to try...
This is a conversation worth recording because it's something I don't think I'll ever hear again.
Me: You're doing biochem right?
Mr Mao: Have I ever told you that your memory is amazing?
Me: So far every single person I meet tells me I've got THE world's worst memory
Mr Mao: I think your memory is amazing. You remember things that I talk to you about that most people wouldn't remember
This here is proof that I have a perfectly fine memory. Anyone who wants to debunk this fact can use this rationale: It wasn't worth remembering. (I kid!)
Word of the day: To dream is to limit yourself from a world of limitless possibility
"Shit... I can't tell if it's straight."
You can walk around it, analyse it from as many different angles as you know how, shift it so it appears geometrically straighter but when you're done, you may be satisfied with it's perfectly angled position but then someone else would come along and tell you that it's skewed.
I'd like to know the straight that you know...
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