Room For Rant

Ian Tan

2011-01-04T16:33:00.002+08:00

Never a name meant more,

Never a name more true.

Teacher.

Thank you for spending your dreams on me,

And my kind.

Thank you for showing me a new world.

Thank you for these new pairs of eyes and feet.

An educator.

A fellow intellectual.

Patient, kind, and a mover of people.

Accomplished so much,

And gone too soon.

Sentiments our hearts echo.

Oh teacher, my teacher!

Thank you.

Come Now, Little One. It's Time To Go.

2010-08-27T22:38:00.002+08:00

You fool,
What a fool.
As well write a song,
Stupid words of young.

With what's been done,
We won't return.

Can't hide resentment,
Can't fake contentment,
The point is broke,
We can't return.

To leave open drawers,
To feast on the rotting,
What more joy can we find,
How else to reconcile?

An unwavering stance,
It holds a trembling lip,
Bid so long to our sandcastle,
Soon it will as it was.

You fool,
What a fool.

Sanctuary

2010-08-16T11:47:00.002+08:00

Ahh. It's cool down here. Gazing ahead, there's really not much to look at. But it's so serene down here. The wind dances off my forehead, whips my fringe into a mess. But there's no one here to see. Smile.

All in the lonesome. Having my back propped against a hard surface somehow assures me of a support system, somewhere. Millions of thoughts hushed in submission. It's so quiet down here.

There's something about splaying on the floor. Maybe because I used to do it as a child, it serves the way a keepsake does.

I should really get up now.

We Are Who We Are After All

2010-08-11T00:55:00.000+08:00

If it were up to me,
I’d fly away with the wind.
I’d walk the paths that you never could,
I’d find the streams to carry me,
I’d dance with the boys and sway to my tune.

If it were me,
I’d wear a different dress.
I’d paint my face and plaster a grin
And I’d never figure you out.

And because it’s me,
I have a different dress.
I dance with the elements,
I play with the bears.

And because it’s me,
I am no different.
I learn not.
I hear not.
I do not.
But wait.

Sky's The Limit

2010-01-29T14:04:00.010+08:00

One thing I can’t help doing when visiting new and foreign places is to compare. From beautiful sprawling landscapes to widely varying ways of life, I’ve always enjoyed a healthy dose of culture shock. Even though a lot of the time not all comparisons are based on equal variables, I can always count on one constant: beautiful skies.

Hong Kong

Melbourne

Sydney

Regardless of where life may take me in the future, at least I know that there's a greater purpose to my existence. And that reminder is there everyday, wrapping humanity in a vast blue canopy that transcends all borders.

Cyclical

2010-01-11T15:49:00.005+08:00

You know it's been a bad year when we spent the last 3 months of the year reading about it in past tense.

You know it's been a bad year when TIME Magazine dedicates a 16-page memoir to the passing of the world's greats in 2009 alone.

You know it's been a bad year when our celebratory countdown to New Year's fireworks display lasted no more than 12 minutes.

My 2009 hasn't been the best. I did decide that it would be the year for learning, and learn I did. Lessons are difficult things to digest so, in a way, I did achieve my goals though I hardly planned for it to be such choppy waters. With 2009 in the rearview mirror, 2010 is off to a bleak start.

Bombings/attempted bombings everywhere, Malaysia paves the way for terrorism, musical divas accept awards drunk, lunches at desolate, badly decorated cafes cost RM18, I have classes scheduled on my birthday, Malaysians have more things to be discriminated for, and the much anticipated The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus turned out be a self-indulgent Terry Gilliam spin that regular people might not appreciate.

At least, for now, with every New Year comes something new to work towards. I dread a time when that too will come to an end; when all a New Year holds is a reminder of a better time.

Nothing Knew

2009-12-23T17:11:00.002+08:00

They stood side-by-side. One was too familiar, one was a distraction. Why did I even get distracted in the first place? I already knew what I needed to buy. Maybe it's being human, but I went with the distraction. I bought the second choice. I bought the new cleanser.

For a person with sensitive skin, finding suitable skin care products don't come easy. That is one thing I know. But yet, I chose to buy the new cleanser. That was two months ago. Since then, I'd been experiencing unmanageable, highly uncomfortable skin problems. The rashes, the pimples, the itching, and the extra money spent on facials. My initial reaction was to nitpick on all circumstantial faults. Stupid sensitive skin. It's the humid HOT weather. It's my bedsheets. I'm not washing my face enough. It's the dust in my room, gotta run my air-purifier all day. I found fault in everything I could think of. I tried to fix the problem to the best of my ability. Safe to say that I wasn't seeing things too clearly. After attempting solutions from every angle, I was on the verge of succumbing to the "inevitable" when it dawned on me. Every single time I used the cleanser, I felt like something was wrong. It didn't jive. The new cleanser was incompatible! Why did it take me two months to figure it out?

Several possibilities:
1. I wanted my decision to buy the new cleanser to be the right decision. Pride check.
2. I wanted to be in control of the situation so I did all I could to gain control. Stubbornness check.
3. I thought I knew best because I've been living with sensitive skin all my life. Expertise check.

Things I could've done to rectify the problem sooner:
1. Been more honest with myself.
2. Taken some time to reflect.
3. Not gotten distracted to begin with.

Life lesson much?

Word of the day: Self-control.

Go Home And Cry To Mommy

2009-11-23T13:51:00.004+08:00

The weekend was like an escape from real life. I spent a night on a rooftop bar with a good looking guy. My group pulled off a song that we barely practiced. A relative told me I looked like a model at a cousin's wedding (God bless blood relations). I made my early morning commitments relatively on time. My mom made pork roast. I made up for a week's worth of late nights.

And then Monday came. Like a train off its tracks, it came. Unexpected, undesired.

I overslept. I couldn't find my device chargers. Everything I did had a two-second lag due to oversleeping and hand moisturiser (no grip). Didn't iron any clothes over the awesome weekend so this morning greeted me naked. I found my brother at home, which I hoped upon every shooting star and wishing well that that meant it was a public holiday I wasn't aware of. No such luck. Upon setting foot in the office, my mom gasped at my disfiguring eye bags and told me I look like I've been in mourning. -_-

Happy weekday everybody!

KL Man

2009-11-19T16:54:00.001+08:00

Hello World,

You've been sending me parcels of Grey Skies and Rain the past few days. I'd just like to inform you that I have received the parcels, and there appears to be a problem with the order.

In reference to my PO no. 1001, I ordered Everyday Blue Skies. The Grey Skies you sent has caused a slight raucous in my workplace. Job efficiency has dropped by 15%, while the number of absentees has significantly increased. This is unacceptable as the reason I placed an order for Everyday Blue Skies was to affect the exact opposite effect.

Also, the Rain that you sent was too large in quantity. Its arrival has thus caused great chaos. The workplace is experiencing visual obstruction, slow traffic, damaged shoes, and dampened spirits.

The week is almost up. I need you to rectify this problem by early Monday morning. These mistakes have caused me and my colleagues much unpleasantness and additional monetary costs.

Please advise your counter measures.

Thank you.

Regards,
KL Man

No Holiday

2009-10-01T11:30:00.001+08:00

I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said, "Journeys end in lovers' meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had.

I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said, "Love is blind". Now, that is something I know to be true. For some, quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then, there's another kind of love. The cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert.

Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one-sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones. The walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years. The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmases, the worst Birthdays, New Year’s Eves brought in by tears and Valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life all because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding, throat thickening. Absolutely can't swallow.

20/20 Hindsight

2009-09-19T03:12:00.001+08:00

It took 2009 to realise that 2008 was awesome!

In 2008, at one point I was a student, an intern, an employee, and a freelancer all at one go. I had flings, I dated, and I also committed. I got full use of a spare car, I wrote a short story, I completed my degree course earlier than mapped out by my course counselor, I made great friends, I achieved monetary goals, I took up an array of classes and courses, I was in a band (even if only for a couple of weeks), I even took on a stray Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano with the muscle of a Mitsubishi Evolution 8 (yes, it must be said, that this was the highlight of the year). 2008 deserves a pat on the back.

2009, on the other hand, sure hasn't packed that much of a punch. Graduation was the biggest waste of six hours I had ever spent at any event, hands down (even driving to Kuantan and back for no reason would have been more gratifying). I'm single. I crashed the spare car. I got three short stories running on no substance. I have less time to spend with my great friends. Running a startup means that I'm spending way more money than I'm earning. My array of classes have dwindled to two and yet I feel the strain. I have no band. I have no access to any vehicle that can compete with even a Satria GTI.

2009, you have another three and a half months to prove your worth.

Fatal Attraction

2009-09-11T15:30:00.005+08:00

Men. Hot-wired for going forth and multiplying.

Women. Hoards, protects, and nurtures by instinct.

Marriage. A pandemic disillusionment.

If men, by order of evolutionary purpose, are inclined to spread their seed far and wide, and women can't suppress their inner calling to protect what's theirs by interfering with man's philandering ways, then marriage of the two opposing forces appear a grave mistake.

In life, I want it all. I want wealth and health. I want education and beauty. I want food and fitness. I want a sensitive manly man. I want a rationally irrational manly man. I want a driven, purposeful man with time to spare. I do want it all.

Think about it. If men are essentially the same from when the world began then, taking into account elementary and evolutionary changes, traditional men are the ones most likely to wear wedding ring marks into their wallets. Can't blame them. It's in their blood. So then maybe men who are more in-tune with their emotions, have a greater tendency to hoard, protect, and nurture i.e. effeminate, make better candidates for monogamous relationships? Because of the traditional man's inability to accept monogamy, and the traditional woman's inability to allow for polygamy, marriage of the traditional couple makes for an unhappy union built on discontent. Maybe now is the time for the hybrid couple. Feminine meets feminine, masculine meets masculine; no one makes up for anyone's shortcomings. And I don't get it all after-all.

Life's a bitch. Watch YouTube.

Showers Of Refreshing

2009-08-26T23:07:00.010+08:00

Nothing goes better with a piping hot chocolate brownie than vanilla ice cream, nothing gets out the aftertaste of a bad date better than beer (and lots of it), and nothing washes away the long hours of the day better than a hot shower.

Switch on the heater, run the water for a minute. That first step under the shower head would feel like a Coca Cola ad: "Ahhh." The water's gentle caress wipes away those motorcyclists who, after years of self-loathing, have apparently forgotten that their bikes come equipped with brakes. The constant pounding sprays on the shoulders massages away the one hour of persistent trying to get through a government department helpline that finally wasn't of much help anyway. The stream cascading through portions of hair and scalp tickles away the wet shoes from today's erratic downpour, washes away the half hour of waiting in line just to save RM3, and swiftly blocks out the waiter who called me aunty.

Ahhh. Cucumber fresh.

Come, See The World Through My Eyes

2009-07-03T00:59:00.045+08:00

Take a walk with me and I'll tell you a story. My story. You see, sometimes I think I don't talk about myself enough. People tend to develop strange assumptions based on what they perceive, and what they perceive is based on what we choose to show. So this is a dedication to me, in all its self-loving, self-loathing, narcissistic glory.

Now, I'm the kind of person who throws away furniture and repaints an entire bedroom when depressed. I'm the kind of person who buys a pet fish just because of one lonely night. I'm the kind of person who helps old people with stairs but gets irritated by beggars who work eateries. I'm the kind of person who spends hundreds on clothes but calculates beer savings to the dollar.

I'm the kind of girl that needed a man to discover her woman. I'm the kind of girl that knows the difference between feminism and gender supremacy. I'm the kind of girl that will always feel guilty for eating that extra piece of pastry. I'm the kind of girl that cringes at the sight of blood and melts at weddings, pet shops, and chick flicks. I'm also the kind of girl that is happiest between the sixth gear and the bottom of the gas pedal.

In all honesty, I actually can't stand pet fish. They don't respond to you the way you would want a pet, you can't touch them, they just swim around. They're basically an expensive ornamental fixture which you have to feed everyday and clean its tank every week. Might as well get a plant. So, why did I get myself a pet fish? I really actually wanted a dog. But the dark of that night was especially deep, I found myself at a pet store and the Fighting Fish only cost RM5 with a 10% discount on top of that! I was sold.

I chose not to name my pet fish. Some people thought it was cruel of me but I just didn't see a need for me to name it. I taught it how to follow my finger and how to jump for food. I guess teaching it how to jump was the cruel part because one night I came home to an empty bowl and a crusty fish on the ground.

Fishy-Mc-No-Name

That happened almost a month ago and I have yet to fill its bowl with life again. Maybe I grow too attached to things. I'm the kind of person that has collections of the most useless things. I have a stash of movie stubs dating back to the first ever movie I watched without my family, I kept LRT season passes, bus passes, clothing tags, cute plastic bags... Note the word "kept" because I'm also the kind of person that goes manic on random days and gets rid of years of history to make way for a new photo frame.

After coming back from Australia, life took a strange turn for me. Don't get me wrong, Australia was beautiful.

My family and I rented a car and took to the dusty roads of Western Australia.

We caught sunsets.

And more sunsets.

We visited cave...

After cave...

After cave.

We had too much wine.

We struggled against crazy winds.

We "woo hoo"-ed to big adrenaline.

We also spent a lot of time waiting around.

And so we self-medicated.

It was fun. :)

So anyway, life took a strange turn for me after coming back from Australia. I just wasn't satisfied with the way things worked here, everything seemed so mediocre. I felt mediocre. I hadn't accomplished what I thought I would from Australia. I had big plans to gain boundless inspiration from being in a different country but that didn't happen. I had big plans to take up a course overseas and experience the hard life of an independent working student but that didn't happen either as flights to Canada cost more than my entire study budget. What did happen was small doses of depression, feelings of isolation and immense pressure from all sides.

I chose this path. I chose to take a year off to learn, explore, develop, and perfect; all things that may get kicked off my list of priorities once a full time job sets in. Somehow being cautious and prepared begot only ridicule and judgment. But I don't regret anything. If no one else, at least I had time and freedom on my side. And something's afoot.

I thank God for the organic nature that is life; its amazing ability to swing from bumming to so-swamped-have-to-resort-to-power-naps-and-15-minute-dinners within a day. I thank God that I gave myself the time to say "yes" to anything I wanted to and also for the fact that I'm young enough for ridiculous notes like these to happen.

Word of the day: The face of contentment is ugly.

You Had Me

2009-04-28T00:09:00.016+08:00

When your eyes caught mine, you were looking at me. Deep dark eyes, round with wisdom and curiosity, it shook my soul. My heart pounded but I told it to still. My palms began to sweat. Suddenly, keeping my concentration on anything else was a struggle. You had me.

The night was beautiful. The three of us had taken the car out. The usual trip to Ikano was today my burden. As my dad plonked his tired body down into the plush seat of a Starbucks cushioned single sofa with his laptop bag in hand, my mom and I headed off to the shops. We purchased necessities and niceties, we chatted about our life's affairs, we stopped for some local coffee on the way. The night was mellow, and just what I needed.

The drive home reflected the entire evening, but no one knew the terror I bore.

With one hand on the steering wheel, something out-of-the-ordinary caught my eye. Sporadic night traffic was swirling around me, I couldn't focus my sight on this unusual thing. "Is it a loose wire?" I thought. My hand reached out to touch the black, wiry thing sticking to the interior of the car's A-pillar. I couldn't reach it. Traffic eased and I finally got a good look at the mysterious thing.

It was black, and then something sparkled. Your beady eyes stared back at me. Deep dark eyes, round with wisdom and curiosity, it shook my soul. My heart pounded but I told it to still. My palms began to sweat. Suddenly, keeping my concentration on anything else was a struggle.

I had no response for the conversation I was having with my dad. My mom uttered a panicked "Slow down!" as I approached the car in front just slightly faster than the constant speed I had maintained up till then. The rest of the ride home was silent and almost unsuspectingly rushed. As the car rolled up toward our house, I asked my dad quietly without ever removing my eyes from the road, "Do you know how we can get rid of a lizard in a car?" And that was when the horror and fear took over my body. My hands trembled, taking several tries before parking the car right. I practically pushed my dad's sick body out from the passenger seat so that I could, in turn, alight the car from his side.

He spent the next 10 minutes struggling to get that squirming lizard out of the car unharmed. I stood by the sidelines imagining fingers wrapping newspaper around the lizard's body, and then the application of much much more pressure.

P.S. Thank God I couldn't reach it.

Click Click Click. "There's No Place Like Home."

2009-03-17T15:39:00.022+08:00

I'm gonna keep eating until it tastes good.

Isn't it strange how often addiction starts from something you had to force yourself to enjoy. Maybe it's because we worked so hard to like it that liking it is like an achievement. Or maybe it's because we're afraid that we'll forget how to like it thus we keep consuming until we either get sick or grow dependent.

Anyway, I'm back. Been back for a week now. I did not like the fact that I came back hoping to come home but instead everything, from my room to the placement of the kitchen water jugs, were distant familiarities that I had to learn to get accustomed to again. So quickly I'd made a new home for myself. So quick to adapt. So quick to return. I miss the friendly help. I miss the efficiency and precision. I miss the value for money. I miss the convenience and the well planned streets. I miss having tissue paper in public toilets.

I miss my cousin.

I miss you.

I miss the scenic views.

I miss the random art.

I miss the sense of careless...

...abandon.

I miss seeing beauty in everything.

For now, I guess I'm back where I belong.

Auf Wiedersehen

2009-01-23T11:29:00.011+08:00

I feel like I've been running for weeks.

Day after day, night after night, everything done in preparation for today. So many people to meet up with, so much stupid car stuff (or lack thereof) to deal with, so much work, so many deadlines (including those of expiring shopping vouchers), way too many obligations to fulfill. All for a mere absence of nine days.

I can't say I'm glad that the week has finally come to its end. I still have so many things I'd like to have done but, at the same time, I haven't even packed yet! It's all about priorities, right?

Well, I'll be back. Unfinished business demands that I do.

I'm gonna miss all of you.

I Didn't Want The New Tyres

2009-01-12T18:07:00.006+08:00

I had intended to take my mom's car instead mainly because I'd left a CD inside that I was in the mood to play. I locked the front door and turned my back when I realised I'd forgotten to grab the keys to her car. Oh well, guess I'll just take my dad's car.

The drive to Kota Damansara was not unlike any other. Music was blaring, dad had topped up the power steering fluid so the steering wheel felt much lighter, roads were uneven and scattered with potholes; not anything I wasn't used to. I was on the way to pick up a friend from an apartment building I had never been to. Since working in KL, I'd developed a strange liking for exploring the unfamiliar; getting lost was two-thirds the fun, finding my way spelt victory like no other. So I wasn't really worried (or paying attention) when he gave me the directions. I can still remember vaguely him telling me about a roundabout.

I got lost for a bit, called the friend for further clarification, and was on my way in the right direction. He said go straight all the way to the end. The road was long and lined with intermittent lampposts. The air was warm causing a fog on the windscreen. I flicked the wipers on. "Shit." I had reminded myself over and over again to get my wipers replaced, and forgot to that many times over. The screen was blurry with smudged moisture, and I'd reached the end of the lit street. I was entering into a stretch of darkness, and a spotlight from straight ahead was causing a bad glare on my windscreen. I was driving blind for a few moments. The water smudges began to dry a little bit, and then I saw it. A band of red. "SHIT." Swerve, break, bang, suspend, land, swerve, break, stop. There in the foggy reflection on my rearview mirror was the roundabout with the rim of its curb painted red. Tiny and seemingly useless.

So many thoughts ran through my mind. So many inappropriate thoughts. I imagined myself getting away unscathed. I imagined hitting a tree and getting propelled out of the car and into a patch of broken glass. I imagined my bonnet bursting into flames as it hit the tarmac. I imagined crumpled metal and broken axles. I imagined telling my dad that the car was stolen. I imagined wishing the car had been sold like we had planned to initially. I imagined my dad's face rising and falling in anger and anguish. My dad's gonna kill me.

I didn't think I would still be saying those words twenty-four years into life. I felt like a kid again getting caught walking the halls of KLCC when I really should have been in school. "My dad's gonna kill me" was a phrase I used repeatedly when I was in high school and was constantly finding myself in troublesome predicaments. But what sets the kids and the grownups apart is the ability to stay grounded even though overwhelmed with the allure of running away. I would've lied my way out of any troubling situation when I was fifteen. Heck, I was lying my way out when I was twenty! Come to think of it, I still do sometimes, but at least I try to live up to a certain standard when it really counts. Honesty and sincere remorse reaped just about as much ill-feeling as a cover-up would've, but at least the honest story didn't pile-on guilt, on top of all the crazy anxiety I was already experiencing.

On further reflection, leaving the house without my mom's car keys was an unforeseen stroke of luck. Switching between cars because of a CD and absentmindedness may very well have saved me from greater injury both mental and physical. My dad's car is the bigger of the two, and bears larger tyres thus they absorbed a lot more of the impact. No crumpled metal, no broken glass, no punctured tubes or tanks. Only two torn tyres, a bent axle, and a shattered confidence.

Well, my new year's off to a great start won't you say?

A Champagne Salute

2009-01-06T17:55:00.001+08:00

"Happy New Year!" As the countdown reached one, the crowd erupted in elated shouts and cheers. Party noisemakers added to the voluminous celebratory din. Multicoloured streamers and balloons fell atop sweaty heads. All around were people hugging and laughing. The prospects of a New Year and all its attainable possibility was definitely an occasion to be shared with those close to the heart.

Amidst the warmth of a tropical night and the momentary exuberance of the youthful, she sat glued to her seat masking her shifty discomfort with polite and poise. It absolutely did not help that she still felt like it was August, prices everywhere were overinflated, and they were having a fight. No, she was sure that there had to be some sane reason for celebrating yet another new year of evanescent potential.

Kicking off the New Year a pessimist was surely something she'd never done before.

Word of the day: To love without condition does not mean to love without concern.

Christmas In KL

2008-12-27T00:36:00.004+08:00

Everywhere around KL you see articles of promotional pieces meant to entice its viewers to join in the merriment that is Christmas (but mostly to cash-in on the fact that people are just more willing to part with larger sums during occasions). Anywhere you walk into promises special Christmas promotions and Christmas menus, everything has hints of snowflakes and reindeer and Santa Clause and Christmas carols. Oh, the sheer commercialism of it all is almost too much for me to resist. And then the day before Christmas arrives, I wake up to a scratchy throat and an aching head. All the parties and all the dinners and bonding, all thrown out the window. Curses.

Even the angels got to party... -_-

So Unnecessary

2008-12-23T12:24:00.010+08:00

Dashing around the house, she was possibly at her most unbecoming. Her mind was a whirlwind of nasty thoughts, and anything that managed to escape her lips began and ended with curses. The number of calls she'd made to her mom to reconfirm facts was borderline harassment. Every area she'd touched, overturned in crazed desperation. The serenity of a beautiful morning was interrupted by the slamming of anything that closed. After swirling around the house for the longest half hour of her life, like a woman possessed, she'd found it. Tucked away deep in the place she'd searched twice.

Finally able to relax, she slumps into the sofa chair in her room and sighs; filled with relief but yet unable to shake her festering annoyance. With her dress in hand and a crease on her brow she recaps the past half hour of needless obsession as she wasn't really planning on going to the party anyway.

Caught By Sunrise

2008-11-19T12:29:00.009+08:00

I am so efficient.

After weeks and weeks of living like a nocturnal, I finally forced myself to a good night's sleep. And it was amazing. Early nights are the new caffeine! I'm totally sold! I woke up completely refreshed, lasted the entire day without needing a pick-me-up, I accomplished three days worth of stuff before 7pm... It was THE most amazing high. Today's my second attempt at this whole 'sleeping early' thing... But because I did all my work yesterday, I've got nothing to do but wait... And consume crazy doses of YouTube.

Aren't We Talented

2008-11-18T13:40:00.016+08:00

The journey of self-discovery begins with a couple's company, and a couple of beers.

It was our night out. He picked me up and we headed to our then favourite chillout place, Cloth & Clef (only because they had RM10 beers and played Drum n Bass). Good music and beers somehow bring out unwarranted amounts of honesty and strange conversation. So, amongst talk of love, work, haircuts, and hot bartenders, we talked about design. It started with us commenting on Cloth & Clef's very white, very artsy menu and it moved from there to tattoo designs. I'd always had a rough idea of what I'd want my tattoo to look like and where I'd place it. He asked me to put my idea down on paper. "Draw?" I asked with eyes so horrified and cheeks so flushed. Oklar. I'm always up for a challenge.

He dug through his wallet for a blank piece of paper while I dug through my bag for a pen. On an old crumpled receipt, I translated my grand ideas into physical matter. I always knew I wasn't great at drawing but when I saw what I produced that day, I was ashamed that people would then know too.

After an extended period of manic laughter, he managed to compose himself and began to transcribe my drawing into art.

Ai Leen's rendition of a sakura with "swirly things".

His attempt to save a bad drawing of a sakura with "swirly things".

To add insult to injury, I took private art lessons for a whole year when I was 13. Some people just aren't born with it.

Catch Me When I Fall

2008-11-16T22:32:00.009+08:00

I was rushing.

The clock's long hand showed 10 minutes late and my phone displayed unanswered calls because I didn't yet have a good enough excuse for the extra time I needed. As I took a swift glance at the clock again, my foot took one step into the bathroom. My toes felt the cold, wet tiles of the bathroom floor. Every contour and detail of the tiles a familiar feel from 14 years of getting acquainted. It was a familiar cool on the familiar cracks, but the misstep had been a large one; a half step too large.

Shit. My foot slid across the silky smooth tiles. My left hand reached out for the doorknob, missed, but caught hold of a teddy bear hanging from the doorknob. My right palm slammed against the doorpost in an attempt to slow down whatever that was happening. Momentum happened. My body moved in the direction of my sliding foot while my other foot curled up under me leaving a bare knee to face its fate. The sound of a dull thud reverberates upward my body.

Sitting on my ass with a teddy bear in hand, a searing pain throbs from my knee. "Ahhhow." A few moments pass before I glare menacingly at the mouth edge of the porcelain toilet bowl. You had better be broken for causing me so much pain. It wasn't.

My knee is now too weak to support my weight and bears a disfiguring swollen bruise, but needless to say, it was a pretty good excuse for my lateness.

Word of the day: I don't know you, but I want you all the more for that.

Motoring Right Along

2008-11-03T18:00:00.010+08:00

"Hi, I'm Ai Leen, and I'm a procrastinator."

The curse of the procrastinator is the inability to do things now. I put-off doing anything that I can get away with to the very last minute. From washing a fork to buying hair products, I'll only get it done at the very last possible moment. Can't be a good thing though. It's the small things that are telltale signs of what and how a person's character is. I put-off washing a fork till four hours later; I put-off writing an article till four days later. I make the desperate run to the nearby pharmacy in frizzy hair; my car's engine oil gets changed in the workshop after two weeks of warning flashes on the dashboard, and hundreds of KM in. Two words: Not fun. But I do it anyway.

Too much time and so much excess energy invested in works that really didn't require. It's not even about being lazy because lazy people end up either not doing what they're supposed to, or delivering half-arsed results. When I work on something, I put my heart and soul into it. It just takes awhile (too long) to get my heart and soul to cooperate. So now, on my list of a million mottoes, is this: Blady freakin' sit down and do it now.

In light of the new motto, I've been wanting to blog for the longest time but was either uninspired or just too lazy to string my thoughts into sentences that at least held some semblance of sanity. So this is me blogging, all new and improved, for now. I'm even taking the effort to bring out my camera lately. So this is me, all documented and bright-shiny new.

The past week was fun-filled with nights out, workouts, articles out, losing out, and passing out.

An unexpected meet-up on Deepavali even though none of us celebrates the occasion.

Not even him, but who's to say we can't ride on the festivities of it all anyway.

We were finalists for the Cakap-Cakap programme. We didn't win, but we got ourselves published. We are officially funny. What's not funny is the fact that I left my copy of the booklet behind.

I got to be a kinky bus conductor on Halloween night at Princess Salty Smalls' birthday thing. But I lost the plot (and my conductor's cap to a guy without a costume) and started mucking around with other people's props.

Then again, so did he.

And he.

An unlikely group of us celebrated "the small one's" birthday again with a bout of karaoke, drinks, and drunken games.

Philosophy of the day: Often times life hands you a misfit of a jigsaw puzzle piece. You can either trim the edges to make the piece fit into your puzzle, or you can build a whole new puzzle to fit the piece. Sometimes it's easier to build the new puzzle.

You're My Angel Of Death

2008-10-20T11:49:00.005+08:00

Hush now,
It's hard to notice time,
And death is raping your thoughts,
But one day soon will come a dawn and all will be as it should.

Hush now,
Take a bite,
It's alright to feel,
We were created to after all.

Hush now,
When friends have gone home,
The loneliness you feel so overwhelms,
Don't dwell, indulge.

Hush now,
You see her face in everything,
Every moment spent with her on rewind,
It's true, it did happen.

Hush now,
Life may have left you but momentarily,
Get past now and you'll be fine.

- Dedicated to Juju.

The Day I Woke Up

2008-10-08T17:53:00.011+08:00

"What is Lapsap? Is it a kind of dimsum?"

The past few weeks have been all sorts of ups and downs. Giving equal attention to work and working out, fun and friends, and education and learning is no tiny feat. I've grown too attached to my organiser and too reliant on chemical highs. Thank God I have wonderful people around me to help with the destressing.

Surrounding yourself with people who love you and things given by people who once loved you is a strange kind of therapy. The world is all aglow again and you suddenly feel like you're five. Though of course the riveting conversations about thrown up mee hoon and the sight of bright shiny things don't hurt terribly. Maybe it's about returning to the familiar. Being comfortable with the people you've known for years. Going back to a time when worries weren't bad because at least you had company.

You know, sometimes I think I shouldn't even be allowed to own a camera. I always leave it at home. And on the rare occasion that I do remember to bring it out with me, I'm too damn lazy to use it (it's hard juggling the camera case with the camera and the open handbag and the drink...). And when I do use it, the shot's weird or the lighting's off or my flash is too bright... And I end up with like five photos by the end of the day... And so I wait for just about a year before my friends pass me the photos from their cameras. I think I should sell my camera.

Word of the day: Like fallen leaves and fallen soldiers, they believe in a greater good.

Mind Over Matter

2008-10-03T15:02:00.006+08:00

We are cursed to be slaves.
Slaves to the world,
Slaves to bitterness,
Slaves to discontent,
Slaves to a past so disfiguring we are forever changed.

We wear chains.
Chains of fear,
Chains of love,
Chains of hope.
Chains that cut deep into the skin, blood-stained and rusty.
And yet we try.

Once again his words reverberate through my soul launching me into a momentary state of detachedness. "Go away!" I scream internally at his distorted voice and the suggestion that it's my calling to live as if my life were on loop. "You could just be repeating your mistakes," he says. I sat in silence the first time I heard it with an embarrassed curl forming on my lips. The embarrassment has since been replaced with an inconsolable feeling of dread. A careless remark suddenly taking up temporary residence in the obsessive part of my mind. Just because I decided to make exceptions. But I definitely knew better. Life has taught me better but yet I did it... Again. Could it be that it's all a part of who we are? The reason we did it that very first time was because that's who we are and no manner of time and suffering would we learn from because when a similar situation comes along, once again we are compelled to do what instinct tells us. "Oh God, stop obsessing!"

Word of the day: Like a chipped nail, it was no less annoying, but no more significant.

Matter of Conditioning

2008-09-26T15:35:00.005+08:00

It's like writing with my left hand,
Or putting on a shoe on the other foot first,
It feels wrong.

It's like taking the last piece of cake,
Or stealing a lingering glance at a homeless man,
It feels wrong.

It's like twisting open a child safety cap,
Or buttoning my shirt bottom-up,
It feels wrong.

It's like me wanting to talk to you,
Or waking in the morning to thoughts of you,
It feels wrong.

It's like me relentlessly wondering,
And everyone else has since ceased,
It feels wrong.

It's like me moving on,
It feels wrong.

Absolution

2008-09-22T11:16:00.003+08:00

Do a little dance,
Traipse the line of impropriety.
Risque and enticing,
Perfect in all its qualities.

Fast approaching like a Monday morning,
I touched.
Sinking further with every struggle,
It's so much more real from where I stand.

Paper cups lay in disarray,
Chips ground to dust on the carpet floor.
Nothing's solved.
Nothing's absolved.

It's the little things,
The little steps.
The things you do,
Not the things you said.

Sugar, We're Going Down Swinging

2008-09-19T18:53:00.003+08:00

Stop bouncing off the walls!

Maybe that's what I wanted all this while. Maybe that's what I set myself up for. Filling every waking moment with activity. Passing out at night and waking early the following morning to a day full of everything I can get my hands on. Need to keep moving...

I have goals. I have a destination. But I don't know if I'm going about it right. The metal ball in a pinball machine looks almost aimless in its ricocheting but yet it serves its purpose; to hit targets. I'm ricocheting... I'm thrown into a situation and I have this many possible ways of dealing with it. I exhaust every means and achieve my destination but without that sense of triumph. I'm haunted by the possibility that had I stuck the course, I would've achieved so much more, so much faster. Maybe beyond that obstruction the road was free but because I bounced off every hurdle, I am here... Lacking triumph. Feeling stupid.

Tickle Me Blue

2008-09-17T11:41:00.009+08:00

So I do realise I have an obscene amount of free time on my hands, even while working. To maintain sanity, I had to find great amusement in the little things... Or maybe it's because I'm losing my sanity that I find great amusement in the little things... Whichever way you choose to look at it, I am greatly amused.

Okay, so this image here is one of the guest submissions by Gavin Yap for Apostrophe's latest installment, Cakap-Cakap. Participants are supposed to fill in the speech bubbles in their comic of choice and submit their entries online. I found this entry so amusing... I was tickled for days.

And this, I found while having lunch at Kim Gary, Avenue K. *Manic laughter ensues* What the hell kinda seafood have we been eating all this while?

And for further hilarity, I've been poring over page after relentless page of FailBlog thus more manic laughter and curious looks from the curious KL Sentral folk.

Morose

2008-09-17T10:34:00.010+08:00

"Oh, Fear, your very grip is the reason I do anything at all."

Time is something no one has any control over whatsoever. With time, the inevitable will catch up. Oh, how I anticipate the inevitable. In all its bittersweet contradictions, at least I have the certainty of it happening to rely on.

The fear of aging takes my hand alongst the walk that is my life. With every year that passes, the body is breaking down. I fear memory loss. I fear the loss of my senses, both common and physical. I fear the inability to learn. I fear the slow dissipating of life. And it is this very fear that makes me do what I do. If one day physical age takes my sight, I want to have seen the world. If it takes the use of my legs, I want to have danced the way my body was made for. If it takes my hands, I want to have done enough that the people around me would miss them as much as I do.

Idealistic? Probably...

Word of the day: Don't wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don't.

The March Of A Different Drummer

2008-09-03T17:20:00.004+08:00

Rapture.

It's in its consistent offbeats. It's in the irregular snare and sudden additional tones. I'm taken. Can't do anything about it now but sway. To kick my feet and to pump my fists, I'm taken. How did you find me?

I'll feel what you feel, I'll take what you take.

Oh, Joy!

2008-08-22T16:56:00.004+08:00

I think I'm going crazy.

It's been almost a month since I completed my internship. I should be enjoying my free time. I should be rubbing the fact that I have absolutely nothing to do in the face of people who have absolutely too much to do. I should be sleeping till four in the afternoon and lulling till dinner. I should be up-to-date with all the movies currently screening in the cinemas and also those currently sitting in the drawers of my home that are in the form of counterfeit DVDs. What I shouldn't be doing is fretting. A lot of people I know take time off to do nothing after freshly graduating. Sometimes even years. I can't presume it normal that I'm already beginning to get restless after barely a month of bumming.

So here I am sitting in the rain. Well, not literally sitting in the rain, but I am sitting near rain. I came out here with a book in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. I had all sorts of inspiration to write while in this melodramatic state but I lost it as I ran upstairs to grab my laptop. Believe me, this was not what I intended to ramble on about. My brain is running so fast that it's not even making time to process the thoughts. It's like watching lampposts whiz by while on a 180km/h car ride. You know they are lampposts even though you can't visually focus on the object. Too many details are left out, but you know beyond doubt that it's a lamppost.

This is turning out to be a very depressing post so in the spirit of things, I hate the stupidly erratic weather...

Tick Tock

2008-08-20T18:05:00.004+08:00

Only time will tell.

You can tell a whole lot of tales, spin a whole lot of self-truths, and convince the people around you that you are sincere but only time will show if you are worthy of trust. In a way, time is the ultimate mirror. Through time, we get to see real beauty, to encounter colorful personalities, to see our true selves.

I stopped making promises I know I'll never be able to keep since years ago. "I promise to be with you forever", "We'll never be together", "I promise I won't go over 120 km/h". These are all mere utterances with the potential to become non-truths. No one can tell the future, and I am definitely incapable of promising anyone the future. What I can promise is anything that is within my control. I can promise to work as hard as I can to stay with you for as long as we can, I can promise to keep an open mind, I can promise to install a speed cut in my car. Then again, it all boils down to trust. And trust is something cultivated through time and communication.

I can say a lot of things but it's up to you to give me the time test.

Word of the day: I know myself well enough to know that I don't know myself very well.

Pop My Bubble

2008-08-19T20:50:00.006+08:00

I feel like I'm walking in a cloud.

The first time I experienced true clarity was when I broke up with this real pain of a boyfriend. It was the most inspiring decision I have ever made in my life. Suddenly the world made sense again. It was like waking up from a deep sleep and stepping into a Technicolor reality. I can only look back at that moment in life with envy and wonder. Envy because I need that clarity and drive to move forward. Wonder because I have no idea what I have to do to achieve that mental state. Wonder because I don't know what I did to fall back into this meandering.

At this point in my life, my vision is obscured by a sea of possibility. Yet again, I have absolutely no idea which way to go. I rarely act on impulse... Except for that time I bought that RM70 cap that I've not once worn out in public... And that time I decided to eat another slice of that cake.

I read this book about one's initial reactions towards situations and how most of the time, the initial reaction is the right reaction. Maybe that's what I need to practice more often. Evidently my stance to wait and see how things turn out has not been particularly beneficial to me. I remember writing in a previous post something that goes, "When in doubt, just shut up and wait", or something to that effect. I think it's time I tried something new. Screw Starbucks, I'm going to Holly's tomorrow.

The Littlest Things

2008-07-29T14:20:00.004+08:00

It's weird how you wake up one day and suddenly feel like you want to grow things.

Every time I receive flowers they normally just sit on my table in its packaging for about two days and then it's upside down, hanging on my door, dead. I like keeping things in their packaging. It looks good... It's supposed to look that way so i suppose I shouldn't tamper with it.

The first thing I did that day was cut open the wrapping and put the flowers in a jug of water. It's nice to see things grow. Maybe I'm beginning to appreciate real beauty more than the beauty I want to see. Death is unchanging. I make it the way I want to see it and that's just how it will remain. Growth, however, is unpredictable. Some flowers bloom, some die, some stay the same. But what's beautiful about it is that I have absolutely no control over the way it reacts. I trim the stems, I provide the water, I pop in the Panadol (apparently Panadol helps to keep flowers looking fresh for longer), I nurture it but if it wants to die, I can't do anything about it... Maybe throw it away so I don't have to look at it but you get my point right?

So yea... Lately I've been finding a real joy in watching things grow.

Everything's Just Wonderful

2008-07-09T11:16:00.005+08:00

So I'm feeling awfully upbeat...

I think it's got something to do with the fact that I'll be done with my internship come end of next week. I am overwhelmed with ideas and impulse thoughts about what I could do with this window opportunity. There's so many things I want to do, I want to try...

This is a conversation worth recording because it's something I don't think I'll ever hear again.

Me: You're doing biochem right?

Mr Mao: Have I ever told you that your memory is amazing?

Me: So far every single person I meet tells me I've got THE world's worst memory

Mr Mao: I think your memory is amazing. You remember things that I talk to you about that most people wouldn't remember

This here is proof that I have a perfectly fine memory. Anyone who wants to debunk this fact can use this rationale: It wasn't worth remembering. (I kid!)

Word of the day: To dream is to limit yourself from a world of limitless possibility

Going In Circles

2008-06-26T10:05:00.002+08:00

"Shit... I can't tell if it's straight."

You can walk around it, analyse it from as many different angles as you know how, shift it so it appears geometrically straighter but when you're done, you may be satisfied with it's perfectly angled position but then someone else would come along and tell you that it's skewed.

I'd like to know the straight that you know...

All Aboard

2008-06-25T09:29:00.004+08:00

I hate airports...

I hate that familiar announcement jingle...

I hate that long highway that leads to the airport...

I hate the airport parking lot...

I hate those long airport escalators...

I hate the walkalators...

I hate the airport McDonalds...

And I especially hate having to say goodbye...

Word of the day: Give me something to fall for.

Guarded

2008-06-12T10:02:00.006+08:00

"The guard at the shop was taken by surprise and could not retaliate in time." - NST

It's a beautiful notion, no? That the person you pay good money to safeguard your property and/or belongings was "taken by surprise" by the very threat he is supposed to be prepared for. Could not retaliate in time? That's because he was sleeping on the job! Countless times have I walked by goldsmith shops only to see the guard falling asleep whilst hugging his gun as if it were a pillow. Seriously... That same shop was robbed twice in a span of two years. Fire the guard!

In all honesty, I think that the only thing you get out of security devices is peace of mind. You can spend a lifetime of savings installing top-of-the-line anti-theft equipment to protect your lifetime of savings but at the end of the day, if someone wants to take it, he/she will find a way. If someone found a way to make it, someone can find a way to break it.

Anyway, I'm a little bored at work... And I'm feeling all fuzzy inside looking through people's Facebook profiles and stumbling across recent wedding photos. *Wide smile* I may have known them when they were still running away from cooties and may also find it way weird to see them in their suits and their flowing white dresses but still... So sweet! *WIDE SMILE* I love weddings...

Word of the day: To go with the flow is the lazy person's excuse and a girl's prerogative.

Doubt the Dope

2008-04-17T18:31:00.006+08:00

So what the heck is a date?

Lately my friends and I have been facing similar predicaments. We've all had our fair share of committed relationships, we've all had our hearts broken some time or other and now we're all somewhat skeptical of the whole process. The solution? Dating.

You see someone you're attracted to, that someone is attracted to you too. You both seem interesting enough to each other and so you go on a date. A friend asked me a few days ago, "What do people do on dates?" I had a very tough time answering (Hey, you can't blame us for being complete idiots when it comes to dating. We've only ever known 'relationships' all our life. Dating is new territory.)... I said something along the lines of, "Going out so you get to know the person better, the person buys you dinner and movies, you hold hands, sometimes he kisses you on the cheek"... You have no idea how lame I felt giving my friend that answer. Is that all there is to a date? Sounds like a day out with mom.

It got me thinking that maybe by dating you are obligated to offer more. Since you're physically attracted to each other then that's what dating is. Just another term that allows for physical benefits without the need for longterm commitment. Then how is that different from several one night stands with the same person? You both will end up walking your separate ways when you're done. If that is it then I'm not a fan of this whole dating thing.

I'm thinking, maybe by definition (I like definitions) dating is just what it is. Keeping a date is to follow through an agreed upon appointment. And dating is to have subsequent continuous agreed upon appointments with the person. You're committed to seeing the person until one party decides they've either had enough or would like to have more.

So I do realize that I've completely de-romanticized the whole notion of dating but I guess romantic agendas come without having to be said. And don't you just hate it when people end their posts without any conclusions?

George's Blues

2008-04-02T13:26:00.004+08:00

Random conversation with the brother

Me: When we get home I'll show you something. I've been hiding it for quite awhile now coz I wanted it all but it's been like 3 months and I can't finish it...So I'll show you something when we get home.

Brother: What is it?

Me: You'll see. It's been sitting in the fridge for ages. It's soo yum.

Brother: What's it doing in the fridge?

Me: Chilling.

Brother: -_-

I thought this was kinda fun.
1. Choose a band/artist and answer ONLY in titles of their song
John Mayer

2. Are you male or female?
Daughters

3. Describe yourself:
Something's Missing

4. How do some people feel about you:
Quiet

5. How do you feel about yourself:
My Stupid Mouth

6. Ex boyfriends/girlfriends:
Sucker

7. Current boyfriend/girlfriend/crush:
No Such Thing

8. Describe where you want to be:
Walk On The Ocean

9. Describe where you live:
Comfortable

10. Describe how you live:
Slow Dancing In A Burning Room

11. What would you ask for if you had just one wish?
Clarity

12. Share a few words of Wisdom:
Bigger Than My Body

13. Any general advice:
Come Back To Bed

14. Share a favorite pickup line:
Back To You

15. And if that one doesn’t work:
Your Body Is A Wonderland

16. What secondary school do/did you attend:
Breakaway

17. Pepsi or coke:
I'm Gonna Find Another You

18. Any pets?
Love Soon

19. Favorite food:
Lifelines

20. Do you drink?
City Love

21. Say goodbye:
Message In A Bottle

Ya I know... The final ones are kinda crappy but whatever la... The first few were fun to do =)

To Live In Never-Never Land

2008-03-13T18:35:00.006+08:00

They told us that one day we'll understand.

Through our eyes, it seemed belittling and patronizing. How was I to know that they were probably looking at us with envy, wishing they possessed our childlike innocence.

There was a time when everything was black and white. You either liked a person or you didn't. You either really wanted it or you didn't want it at all. No one would be able to persuade you or dissuade you otherwise. Sometimes I wonder if the world gets tougher as we grow up or is it really just us? That we are the ones that make things difficult. That we are the ones that make the gray. That maybe the world didn't get harder to live in but that we make it harder to live in all by ourselves...It's not our fault really...It's that life made us that way. The more we know, the more we experience, the more we lose our certainty.

It would be nice to be able to look at a playground and go "Ooh fun!" as opposed to cursing and muttering about the rampant vandalism of the swings and jungle gyms. It would be nice to once again have the world appear straight forward.

Kill The Undead!

2008-03-11T23:51:00.006+08:00

I absolutely HATE generic endings...

I hate how the good guys always walk away alive and with everything ending up the way they want while every other antagonist or disposable character dies. Why are the movies this season choosing endings ala Disney stories? We're not five. We've read Hans Christian Andersen. We can handle the death of the main character. It's not that I have anything against happy endings. I like happy endings. But lately it seems like writers are not even trying anymore. It's like they had an interesting idea for a story but as they wrote on they realized they didn't know what to do with the end so they passed it on to a 70 year old widow who has only ever believed in prevalent heroes (who, of course, get the girl) and fallen villains.

Trust me when I say that I really don't have anything against happy endings, it's just that if you want to make a story believable, sometimes killing even one good guy can't be a bad thing. And I absolutely DO NOT get why dead people need to be brought back to life. If they're dead, they're dead. We, the audience, will come to terms with it. We don't need you to bring the good guy back from the dead through some miraculously improbable manner like gran-ma breathing life into a dead girl from two deserts and three villages away or having mom kill herself so that she can donate her organs to her practically dead son. Seriously, if you can't bare to kill the good guy, then just don't kill him. Why do you need to kill him and then bring him back to life? It's anticlimactic and annoying.

Movies this season just don't seem to be worth the time or the money. It's a horrifying notion that today, as I sat through the pre-movie screenings, I enjoyed watching the advertisements more than the movie trailers.

Word of the day: We're always one decision away from acting like we're five.

Ai Leen, She Doesn't Have A Title

2008-02-18T18:57:00.005+08:00

Wouldn't it be great to have a clear-cut outlook on life?

I know a person who is either always on time or s/he's not coming at all. There's no in-between. S/he is never early nor is s/he ever late for anything. It's weird that some people can be so reliable in that sense. Not that punctuality is my point here. It's that sometimes you can completely rely on a person to act or react a certain way and s/he will never let you down.

I wonder if I have that. One true defining factor that makes Ai Leen Ai Leen. Like "Ai Leen, she's always late" or "Ai Leen, she sits like a guy" or "Ai Leen, she's gonna arrive in flip flops". Just like my friend who is always on time. Or this person who never fails to let me down and can still make me feel guilty about it. They will never change even after years have gone by because that's the essence of who they are. Like if you're always late, maybe it's because you have a superiority complex or you're just really quite disorganized. If you're a chain dater, maybe you have self-esteem issues or a fear of loss. Either way, it is only ever obvious to outsiders and never yourself.

On an unrelated issue, I'm blady annoyed.

Can these haute couture outlets get any more pretentious? Seriously, if you're gonna bring your shops into Malaysia, you have to realise that you're in a country where Spring/Summer doesn't mean shit. It's summer all year long. So if you're gonna say "Our outlet is scheduled to open in KLCC this Spring/Summer" I have no effing idea when the hell that is...

Word of the day: You know you're an alcoholic when you spell absolute without an E.

Clean Slate

2008-01-17T01:16:00.001+08:00

After spending 2 months in the Editorial Department of a magazine publishing company, you would think I'll be able to write stuff just like that. Even after having to write about things I have little knowledge about or have no interest in whatsoever, you would think I'll be able to at least keep my blog updated after all, my blog's about me anyway and what could I possibly have more knowledge or interest in right...

Well anyway, it's 16 days past New Year's and it still doesn't feel like a new year... Yet... For me anyway...

I guess every time we get to enjoy another new year, people get all thoughtful and inspired, reflecting on the year that just passed with a renewed enthusiasm to make a difference now that there's yet another chance to redo or undo or do anew.

Is it a bad thing that I don't have any visions for my new year? No resolutions, no new hopes, no new plans...

Oklar... Maybe I do have plans but everything's still so uncertain. I'd like to travel before I start working but then, if an incredible work opportunity came my way I highly doubt I'll still be thinking about traveling and also I don't have the budget for it. I'd also like to study something, learn something completely new but then again, if an incredible work opportunity came my way I highly doubt I'll still be thinking about studies. Maybe I'm approaching this the wrong way... I dunno... There was a reason I haven't blogged in awhile ok. Haven't been able to arrange my thoughts into anything comprehendible.

Anyway, New Year's Eve was fun. We girls got to meet up when Rin came back. And we got to dress up, something I absolutely love doing but... I think I need to try harder or think bigger the way Yen did.
Christmas was fun too. I got to spend Christmas Eve dinner backstage which was actually a WHOLE LOT of fun and I would have better photos to support my point but you know how people lag when it comes to sending over photos. Well, quite a few things have changed in my life and I think I'm finally ready to move away from my comfort zone. I'm doing things I never thought I would ever attempt, I've been blessed with something huge this year and it's given me the liberty and the freedom to do more things with my life. I may still have some habits that need revising but I feel like things are looking up for me...

Now, if only I could stop lazing around...

Word of the day: Sanity is the conscious ability to snap out of a daydream.

Meme

2007-12-17T10:07:00.000+08:00

1. How does your boyfriend rank in kissing?
Erm...I don't have a boyfriend...But if I did, he would be damn good after all our practice *beam*

2. What have you learned about serious relationships?
That there will always be uncertainty. No matter how serious a relationship, when circumstance happens the relationship can go either way.

3. Do you think opposites attract?
I think they do because most people feel a need to make up for the things they lack but these sorts of attractions don't last very long. Eventually real life will make you realise that the very thing you were once so attracted to has become repulsive.

4. What's the relationship you have with your current date?
Erm...I'd come up with a witty response but at this time of year it's depressing, so I'm just gonna say that I don't have a date thus the relationship is non-existent.

5. Would you want a big family someday?
Not really. I prefer a small family but I will definitely have lots of dogs.

6. What would you most like to change about yourself, if anything?
I'd like to be able to focus better. I have a very short attention span and though some people may be able to channel that disadvantage into creative energy, I can not. All I get out of this disability is half stories. I need to learn to focus....

7. What's your ideal date?
One where I learn something while still having an enjoyable time. The time, the place, the ambience, it all doesn't really matter as long as we can talk.

8. What's your date like?
My date needs to be smart. He has to be able to stimulate me in the non-sexual sense before he can stimulate me in that other sense.

9. Do you agree that love stops you from thinking reasonably?
I dunno. I like to think that hormones is what stops me from thinking reasonably and that love is a whole lot more rational, a whole lot more in-control of things.

10. What's the craziest thing that you have ever done for love?
Letting him in. I know...Mundane as it sounds, at the moment, the craziest thing I have done and would do for love is to let the person into my life.

11. Torn between love and your career. What would you choose?
I've never been in that position before because I'm not exactly on the career path yet. Maybe ask me this question again in a year.

12. Do you think it's hard work being a girl?
No, not really. In this time and age, being a girl is no longer the main worry. It's more about being a human being. Ya, we still need to know how to look good and cook and love kids but now expectation is on the men as well. Modern day society has shifted and the gender bias card hardly comes up anymore, not that it doesn't but it's hardly an issue anymore. What is is how we function as humans. How we, as individuals, count success. Trying to be a useful human being is hard work.

13. Do you think love is a fantasy?
Love is a fantasy when you don't have it. It becomes a reality when you're in it...I dunno. I prefer reality to fantasy. It's so much more unexpected and sometimes disappointing but at least it's real. I want my love to be a reality...For it to feel real rather than having my fantasies realised. I think I'm not answering the question...Someone needs to help me define 'fantasy'.

14. Would you give up your dreams for your true love?
If I have already met my true love, I think he would be a part of my dreams. Wait, by 'dreams' do you mean 'ambitions'? If it's 'ambitions' then it would depend on where I am in life. If I'm just starting out in my career life then I think I shouldn't give up on my quest for life's "true meaning" for my life's "true love". Ok...I'm not making sense. Let me make things a bit clearer. I won't know exactly what I'll do if I'm ever faced with a situation like such but if I am, inevitably it would depend on where my priorities lie. If it's my man or my career, ultimately they both affect my future and thus my dreams.

15. Define friendship.
Friendship is the fond relationship between two people drawn together by circumstance and kept together by love.

16. What are you afraid of?
I think I've answered this question quite a few times this year already. I fear lizards, exploding things, and being the last person left on earth.

17. In your opinion, why would women want to be skinny?
I think the people who are still trying to be skinny didn't get the latest memo from Hollywood. Update people, "skinny" is so out. "Healthy" is the new "skinny".

18. What mistake do you think women make in relationships?
The mistake of expectation. We tend to make plans and when they aren't fulfilled our expectations are crushed along with our spirit, along with the relationship. And by "we" I mean "me".

19. Is there anything you just don't get about guys?
How clueless they can be sometimes.

20. Last question, what do you look for in a guy?
Wow...So many things but right now I must say, being smart is a definite plus point.

15 Minutes of Fame

2007-12-09T00:35:00.002+08:00

I lost my voice.......

I laid off spicy foods, I laid off fried foods, I didn't have iced/cold drinks, I bought Difflam, and my greatest sacrifice to date, I laid off alcoholic drinks even though they came free.

Blady hell! This is so unfair...Now I'm stuck at home on a Saturday night...

So I'm gonna splash this page with my (and some other people's) shameless cam-whore antics because I'm too sick (and bored) to bother about the people who might judge me. Please don't judge me.

This is my friend, Li Yen. When we aren't bitching about people we know or pouring our hearts out to each other, we cam-whore.

This is my friend, Becky. She calls herself Wacky Beckie with good reasons.
This is my friend, Ally. She's the sweetest of us all. Sometimes, she meets us at our side...
This is my friend, Erin. We don't need photographers.
This is my friend Julie. We use props...A lot of the time...
This is me. I don't mind taking photos without anyone else in them.
Now go away or I'll be forced to slap you like the person who slapped me and thought it funny to take a photo of me then.I kid...

Face the Strange

2007-12-06T10:10:00.000+08:00

*Edited

What a weird morning...

I woke up late, left the house late, had to turn back halfway coz I forgot my phone, and I still got to the LRT station on time. There was no one waiting in the toilet that's usually crowded, no one on the train fighting for a seat ala Musical Chairs. I had steaming-hot porridge and bubbling-hot coffee for breakfast and still I got onto the LRT without breaking a sweat.

It's a weird morning...

So anyway, you know the windowed ends of the LRT trains that are damn nice to stand at coz of the flat covered surface area? It's good for leaning on while staring out into the erm...outside of the train. So this guy was standing there, he had his newspaper spread out in front of him. This pissy looking lady walks in at the next station, goes up beside him like she knew him, said "Ahem, excuse me", squeezed by him, pushed her laptop bag beside him onto the flat surface thing/makeshift table, and when I thought she was going to step away, she stayed! Arms folded and feet tapping looking like she deserved to be there much more than he. Mind you that space was only big enough for one person, what more a person with his newspaper spread out in front of him. Poor guy...He looked so confused. And she was still looking pissy. And she wasn't hot. I mean, oklah there shouldn't be double standards for hot people but hot people look better doing bitchy things, therefore less infuriating.

So yea, it's a weird morning.

On a nicer, non-offensive note, I got my leave approved! Now it's just a matter of deciding where to go. So while I'm still in this holiday state of mind, let me share with you fun stories of stuff that happened on my past vacations. Stories of incidents that made the getaways that much more fun.

So during my trip to Langkawi, we went island hopping and the last stop was this gorgeous beach stretch but the stupid thing was, they brought us there during low tide. Idiots. So after we were done doing our thing on the beach, I guess we went back to the pier earlier than the Boat-man expected coz he wasn't there. We were waiting around when this one particular male friend and I decided to go look again at the docked boats to double-check if any among them was ours. It was hard to tell coz all the boats looked somewhat similar. We were standing there on the elevated pier, peering at the covered boats when I yelled "Abang Boat" in a girly, sing-songy, flirty manner and then I floated away, out of sight of the many Abang Boats there while my one particular male friend stood there in shock and horror as they stared up at him. Amusing much.

And then there was this other time at Redang when we attempted to steal beer from the bar's beer keg. Not that we couldn't pay for it...The bar closed too early. And we were thirsty. And some smart dude brought a half bottle of Chivas. Not a full bottle, a half bottle. Slightly less than half in fact. Which we finished in an hour or two. Anyway, twas a failed attempt. The keg was locked. Boo!

Anyway, I'm bored of telling stories already so I'm stopping.

Easy As Sunday Morning

2007-11-23T10:09:00.000+08:00

What a pleasant drive *grin*.

I know I know...There's supposed to be roadblocks all over KL and traffic's supposed to be hell-ish but it's only crazy on the trunk roads. The roadblocks are merely filtering traffic going into KL so within KL, NO JAM!!

HAHA! It only took me half an hour to get to the office. It was like driving in KL on a Sunday. However, I did leave my house a lot earlier than I would've liked. I was anticipating an insane jam but...HAHAHA! NO JAM! Anyway, I feel bad for those who got stuck in the jam. I was listening to the radio all morning for traffic updates and avoided the roads that were blocked. Once again, the Eastin highway heading towards KL was blocked. A 5 lane road reduced to 1 lane. Traffic was backed-up all the way to The Curve! I know it's terribly mean of me but I can't help it. I always get a kind of satisfaction from watching people get stuck in a jam while I'm driving free...I do feel bad for them though...In a "I'm so glad I'm not in your position" way.

We'll see how traffic's like when I go home tonight.

It Burns

2007-11-22T09:53:00.000+08:00

HOT!!!

What a bad day to be walking to work...At 9.30 in the morning the sun was already working at maximum capacity. I could have just curled up into a sweaty ball and died...I was so tempted to start stripping and possibly sunbathe? But I didn't...

Anyway, a few weeks back I went for this Tommy Hilfiger fragrance launch and I was in complete awe. The way they setup the place was gorgeous! They converted a boring training room into a beautiful bedroom set. It was like a dream wedding...And now it is my dream wedding...Seriously, out of all the events I've been to, this one was the most impressive. Check out these media photos.

And then there were cute, little souvenirs laid out for us to bring home.

Noir

2007-11-16T15:56:00.000+08:00

What a horribly dull day.

Everyone's falling sick in the office. The weather is depressing. My MP3 player only has a 50 song capacity. I have no credit. I'm stuck doing event listings all day. My nasi goreng ayam didn't have enough Thai Chili Sauce on it. My last night didn't have enough drinks in it.

Sigh...I'm not liking this day at all. There have been no highlights to today...None whatsoever! No fun events to attend over the weekend...Sigh.

How awfully dull...

My Night Light

2007-11-12T09:33:00.000+08:00

Last night was the worst night of my life!

It was 12.10am when I decided to watch just one more episode of Friends, Season 6, episode 3. I went up to my room at 12.30am. As I opened my bedroom door, my hand robotically reached for the light and fan switch. It took half a second before light filled the room and then, "AHHHHH!", I screamed. The dark, oval form laying on my bed scampered away to hide. It laid rest behind my radio remote controller which was also on my bed.

"HONG KHENGGGG!!!", I screamed as if I got news that someone close had just died. I started banging on his door when it flung open and an agitated looking brother stumbled out. "THERE'SACOCKROACHINMYROOMTHERE'SACOCKROACHINMYROOMTHERE'SACOCKROACHINMYROOM!"

"Aiyah", my brother exhaled in exasperation. "What do you want me to do about it?" he asked.

"KILLITKILLITKILLIT!!!" I screamed.

My brother suggested he grab the roach with a plastic bag. I suggested he use a magazine to sweep that menacing, winged thing along with my remote controller into my waste paper basket that was lined with a garbage bag, pick out the remote controller and then tie up the bag. He took my suggestion. It seemed like a flawless plan.

My brother, coincidentally, picked up a KLue magazine dated July, 2006. "Hey, I have a KLue magazine!", I enthused half surprised half amused. My brother approached the thing in hiding, full of caution. And then in one swift motion, he swept the controller into the bin and the roach scuttled to the side of the bed, halted for a moment and then was gone never to be seen again.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" I squealed. "OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD! Where the hell did it go?"

We spent the next 20 minutes flinging clothes and pillows aside. We lifted up the mattress, we used two flashlights to scour every inch of the floor , every corner. Nothing moved.

"There's nothing more we can do. We'll never find it now", my brother said as he left the room.

I cleaned the clothes off my floor, I put the pillows back on my bed, I changed into my sleeping attire and I went to bed with my lights on.

It was the worst night of my life. I kept waking up to check if the cockroach was lying beside me. My legs kept itching, thinking the roach was crawling on it.

I'm never bringing food into my room ever again.

Monotonous Ticking

2007-11-02T16:40:00.000+08:00

Oklar so I'm really bored at work right now. I just wrote the dullest thing in the world...A Ruums KL writeup... Ok, so maybe it's not the dullest thing but I'm really sleepy...So thanks Rin, I took this off your page.

1. What is in the back of your mind right now?
- What I'm gonna do tonight.

2. When was the last time you threw up?
- HAHA! Maybe last week...I won't say why...

3. What’s your favourite curse word?
- I don't believe in curse words. They're all words, just some used in a harsher fashion.

4. Name one person who made you smile this morning?
- Andrew.

5. What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
- Taking too long a shower.

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
- I was writing Yen a 'panjang-lebar' comment on her blog but then I accidentally closed the page before posting it. I don't plan on writing it again...Sorry girl...The 'emo' was in the moment.

7. If you could marry any celebrity ever who would it be?
- Brandon Boyd. Brooding rock musicians are hott.

8. Have you ever been to a strip club?
- No.

9. What is the last thing you said aloud?
- "How do you test the test site?"

10. What is the best ice cream flavor?
- Lychee...But then that's more of a non-cream based ice thing...I forgot the word for it. Anything chocolate's good.

11. What are you wearing right now?
- Racer back top and a skirt.

12. Last food you ate?
- Nasi goreng ayam.

13. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
- Er...Not that I can think of...No, I don't think so.

14. When was the last time you ran?
- Last week.

15. What’s the last sporting event you watched?
- Haha! I think it was this year's Japan GT. Are Mat Rempit gatherings considered a sporting event?

16. What was the last thing you had to drink?
- Water.

17. Last movie you saw?
- I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry...I know, I know...I'm really outdated...

18. Last person who you sent a message to on myspace
- I don't have myspace.

19. Ever gone camping?
- I don't think so.

20. Were you ever an honor roll student in school?
- Nope.

21. Do you like sushi?
- Love love love it. Yesterday I went for the RedBox Plus opening at Pavilion, they prepared this buffet for the media. They had a sushi bar where you place your order and the chef makes it on the spot for you. Ohhh...Delightful.

22. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
- I try to as much as I can...Don't intend to lose my front teeth to gas.

25. What did your last outgoing text say?
- Something about Stardust.

26. Are you someone’s best friend?
- Erm...I wouldn't know.

27. Where is your mom right now?
- On her way home from work.

28. What color is your watch?
- The one I'm wearing has a rubber purple/gray strap with a fat silver frame around the face.

29. What do you think of when you think of Australia?
- Those bastards stole my friends from me.

30. Ever ridden on a roller coaster?
- Of course.

33. What is your birthstone?
- Amethyst.

34. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
- Both but mostly drive thru now. My daily nugget fix goes well with lazing in front of the TV.

35. What does your first memory of your sister/brother involve?
- I really don't know which was first. My childhood memories don't really follow a timeline. I remember when we were still in our Kepong house, we used to sleep in the same room. We had this insanely noisy backdoor neighbour who blasted his radio every night when we were about to sleep. My bro and I used to go up to our window and yell at him to shut up and then we'll run away.

36. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
- Uncertainty.

37. Last phone call?
- That I made or I received?

38. Are you allergic to anything?
- Mushrooms and humidity. They both give me rashes just that one is potentially deadly.

39.Favourite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
- My flip flops.

40. What is one thing you’ve learned about life recently?
- My parents love me. It's something you never stop learning.

41. Are you jealous of anyone?
- Yes...I'm jealous of anyone who has a car.

42. Is anyone jealous of you?
- Er...I really wouldn't know.

43. Do you own an iPod?
- Nope. I wish I did though. HINT!

44. Do any of your friends have children?
- Yup.

45. Do you like anyone right now?
- Sure.

46. What color are your eyes?
- Brown.

49. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
- Nope.

50. How did you get one of your scars?
- One I got when I almost got stung by a jellyfish. I managed to get out of the water in time but I scraped my elbow on barnacles.

51. Do you enjoy your personality?
- Haha! Sometimes...It's as amusing to me as it is to others. Sometimes not so much coz I can be really quiet when I'm not in the mood...It's as un-amusing to me as it is to others.

52. Are sunsets romantic?
- Yea...Terribly. Depends on the place though

53. Is your school ghetto?
- Nope. Like Erin said, my school is the elite public high school but I guess there were some pretty ghetto personalities there.

54. How’s the weather?
- Can't tell. I'm indoors right now. From the looks of it, glum.

55. Are you easily offended?
- Not really. I like to think that I have a sense of humor.

56. Where’s your favourite vacation spot?
- Genting! Oklar...Maybe not a vacation spot. More like a getaway spot. I'd like any vacation spot that comes with a swanky hotel.

57. What is the best place to get a tattoo?
- Best place to get it done in or best place to get it done on? There's a pretty reputable place in Sungei Wang. Pay a bit more but they have excellent customer service.

58. Have you ever accidentally thought someone was a guy, but they were a girl? Or vice versa?
- Haha! All the freakin time!!

59. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
- I bite.

60. Who’s the weirdest person you’ve ever met? What’s so strange about them?
- There was this one guy in my IT class last semester, maybe it's the culture difference. I dunno...He would leech onto one person/group and follow them around as if he was invited. And he'll say the weirdest things. He used to sit next to me and ask endless questions while the lecturer was teaching until I myself couldn't follow what the lecturer was talking about. If I fail, I blame him.

Cursed Thursday

2007-11-01T09:37:00.000+08:00

So it's Thursday...

I normally look forward to Thursday coz even though I have to wake up early and attend a full day of classes, I'm comforted by the fact that I have my entire Friday free. I wake up in the afternoon, I eat Maggi Mee for lunch, I laze in front of the TV watching DVD serials and sitcoms, I go out for dinner, I go shopping or yum cha-ing or jogging...I come home late and then sleep till the next morning. That's it...Friday's gone without a care in the world.

It's Thursday now and I'm REALLY not happy...

I have to come in for work tomorrow... =(
Cannot go ladies night whatevers...
Cannot go late night movies...
Cannot go out yum cha...
Cannot stay up till late late late watching Friends...
Sigh...

Anyway, my dad's in Miri till Sunday so I have his car to drive to work with. It's great!! It only takes me about slightly less than an hour to get to work as opposed to an hour and a half when I'm taking public transport and feet. And I arrive at work all fresh and erm...I was about to say cheery but really, I'm still sleepy. Haha!

I wish I had photos here in the office to upload...But I don't...So I'm done...

Public Transportation

2007-10-30T09:34:00.000+08:00

For the next two months, I am interning at KLue magazine.

I KNOW!! When I got the internship, I was ecstatic. I was beyond ecstatic. I was erm...very very ecstatic? :-Þ

Yesterday was my 1st day. Their office is on Jalan Bukit Bintang and since I don't have a car, my only means of transportation there is the public kind. I guess there are both good things and bad things about public transport.

Yesterday was horrible! I was like this insane noob on the LRT. I didn't know how to push and shove my way through the mass of people, I couldn't arrange myself to reach any poles or seats or whatever-not stuff I could use to stabilize myself. The thing is, if the train is empty, you can stand stable coz there's enough space to spread your legs or whatever. But when the train is packed, there's no leg room, there's no arm room...There's NO room. So yesterday I was falling all over the place. I fell on people, I fell on bags, I stepped on toes and shopping bags...But today was great! I learnt that the only way to get around the KL/PJ working folk is to be selfish. Don't care who's coming on board, make sure you have your space near a pole or those railing strap things...

Anyway, the good thing is, I have to take a 20 minute walk from the Bukit Bintang monorail station to reach the office. At least I'm fulfilling my workout quota coz by the time I'm home from work, I guarantee you I won't find the discipline or the energy to go jogging.

I'm writing this from my desk so, back to work =)

I Prefer Tag Heuers To Questionnaire Tags

2007-09-04T15:46:00.000+08:00

I have stories about places I've been to but I'll tell them when I'm in the mood. So I've been tagged...Sorry I took awhile Ally.

[one] what is your natural hair color?
honestly:- Brown

[two] where was your default picture taken?
honestly:- Erm...The pictures in my header are mostly taken in my room, one in a car, one in Shook, and the other in a home studio

[three] what's your middle name?
honestly:- I don't think I have one

[four] your current relationship status?
honestly:- Don't wanna talk about it

[five] does your crush like you back?
honestly:- What a weird thing to ask

[six] what is your current mood?
honestly:- Restless

[eight] What makes you happy?
honestly:- Good music and a cool breeze

[ten] if you could go back in time and change something, what you would change?
honestly:- My choice of clothing

[eleven] if you must be an animal for one day, what would you be?
honestly:- A polar bear

[twelve] ever had a near death experience?
honestly:- There was this one time, nothing happened but if something had happened, I think I would've died...or been seriously injured

[thirteen] something you do a lot?
honestly:- Drink water

[fourteen] the song stuck in your head?
honestly:- Michael BuBle - Kissing A Fool

[fifteen] who did you copy and paste this from?
honestly:- Ally dear

[sixteen] name someone with the same birthday as you?
honestly:- Diane

[seventeen] when was the last time you cried?
honestly:- Yesterday...I was watching the final few episodes of Winter Sonata

[Eighteen] have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
honestly:- Yup

[nineteen] if you could have one super power what would it be?
honestly:- It'll be awesome if I could do super kung-fu moves...or maybe just fly...or telekinesis

[twenty] what's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
honestly:- The eyes

[twenty-one] what do you usually order from starbucks?
honestly:- Hehe the non-coffee raspberry frap. But now they've changed it to this raspberry blackcurrant tea thing that tastes disgusting...

[twenty-two] what's your biggest secret?
honestly:- I can't recall anything now...Haha I guess it's such a big secret that it's kept even from me

[twenty-three] favorite color?
honestly:- Purple...and red...and black

[twenty-four] when was the last time you lied?
honestly:- Just now when I was getting my haircut. It's Nick's off-day today and the guy who cut my hair asked if I came for Nick. I said not really...but I really did go all the way there for Nick. Really.

[twenty-five] do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
honestly:- Of course! Those old Disney classics are the best...I love Tom & Jerry and Disney's Silly Symphonies.

[twenty-six] what are you eating or drinking at the moment?
honestly:- Chinese tea

[twenty-seven] do you want to learn to speak any other language? if so, what?
honestly:- Ya. I'd love to learn Korean

[twenty-eight] what's your favourite smell?
honestly:- Polo Blue is a damn turn-on

[twenty-nine] if you could describe your life in ONE word what would it be?
honestly:- Blessed

[thirty] when was the last time you gave/received a hug?
honestly:- Possibly a week ago...Unless hugging myself counts. If it does then, yesterday.

[thirty-one] have you ever been kissed in the rain?
honestly:- I can't remember la. Maybe not heavy rain...Lol I can't remember.

[thirty-two] what are you thinking about right now?
honestly:- Oddly enough, food and peeing

[thirty-three] what should you be doing?
honestly:- Office work but wait la

[thirty-four] what was the last thing that made you upset/angry?
honestly:- The damn Raoul sale not there anymore when I went there fully prepared for some serious purchasing.

[thirty-five] how often do you pray?
honestly:- All the time

[thirty-six] do you like working in the yard?
honestly:- Erm...Not particularly...Who does?

[thirty-seven] if you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
honestly:- I have no idea.....Bloom coz in order to get it I'll have to be married to Orlando. Or Bae coz Yong Joon is hotness

[thirty-eight] do you act differently around your crush?
honestly:- Yea I guess so...Unintentionally of course.

[thirty-nine] name one song that reminds you of an ex?
honestly:- Michelle Branch - Something To Sleep To

Human Nature

2007-08-09T00:12:00.001+08:00

I wonder if we ever truly appreciate what we have.

I see something nice, I save up to buy it, I buy it, and then a month later I want something else. Fine, I guess that's materialism. But then if this is an inevitable cycle, it should apply in all other areas of life because life is an intertwining web whereby each movement affects the web as a whole.

There are people who go around saying they want someone to love, they find that someone, and then they do something stupid to lose that someone. Say they get a second chance, the typical expectation would be for them to cherish the moment, to be grateful and just sit down and not cause drama. Then why do they feel it absolutely necessary to carry on creating nonsense? Shouldn't they just be thankful for getting that second chance? Maybe it's human nature to constantly want things you can't have, to be bored with what you already have.

I saw this watch close to a year ago. It was almost as if the watch was made for me. Berry purple colored face, metal straps that collapsed in the most fluid motion, and best of all, it was within my purchasing power. I told myself "I absolutely need to get it". I got the money, went back to the shop 2 weeks later only to find it gone. I was so disappointed. I had the money but it was worthless. Half a year later, I saw the watch at a different shop. I was so excited but yet I hesitated. I didn't know if I wanted it anymore. I went back to the shop multiple times just to look at it, to try it on, but I never bought it. 3 months later the watch was gone...Again. I can't even begin to describe how I felt. It was a mixture of disappointment, relief, loss, depression.

Maybe that's the story of my life. I'll never know what it would've been like to own that watch. Maybe that watch would have finally satisfied my discontent. Maybe a few months down the line i would see another watch i'd like more than that watch and thus the cycle begins again.

Optimism or Divine Intervention?

2007-08-01T21:44:00.000+08:00

this has been the best hellish weeks of my life!

semester's coming to a close so assignments are due, presentations are piling up, and my health is taking its timely vacation. the good thing about this semester is that all my assignments are due one week apart from the other so that gives me ample time to complete each of them...the bad thing about this semester, and oddly enough every previous semester, is that i'm a lazy shit and everything is done last minute thus the sleepless nights and the lowered immunity system. what makes these weeks great is the fact that so far, i'm feeling pretty confident about my work.

i went go-karting over the weekend and it was THE MOST exhilarating thing ever. i know i'm not very sporty...not that i'm not into sports, it's just that i haven't found my sport. anyway, go-karting was so much fun! the good thing about it is that it's the one place you can drive like a maniac and trash the turns without a second thought. the bad thing is that accidents tend to happen at those turns/chicanes. i was involved in an accident pileup and now i've got bruises all over my body. to add to the pain, every muscle on my arms have been over-strained. i can't even reach back to pull on a seatbelt. but i don't care...the pain is worth it. if all things go well, i'll go again this weekend.

so this morning i woke up with an unusual itch in my right eye. my first thoughts were "Oh crap...i caught it too." i had lunch with Andrew yesterday and he had an awfully awful red eye which, he claimed, he didn't rub into that state. i didn't believe him but...well...i always tend to be proven wrong. his condition had spread to his left eye by the night so he went to the Doc. he caught conjunctivitis..."Crap!" of all the damn bacterial infections to get, he contracts himself a highly contagious one...which i woke up to this morning. i guess the good thing about this is that the symptoms only became full-blown after i'd done my presentations. and the best thing was the hot guy at the clinic i went to to get my prescription meds.

Anticipation

2007-07-30T22:19:00.000+08:00

we spend two thirds of our school days waiting.

i drove by my old school today and came past this corner of the curb i used to wait on for my parents to pick me up. it's kinda weird...most of my childhood memories involves me waiting for someone to pick me up.

i spent so much time waiting...after school, after tuition class, after piano class. wait for catered lunch to arrive. wait for dinner. wait for friends to arrive. wait for Astro to be installed. wait for SPCA dude to arrive. wait for pocket money. wait for driver's licence. wait for exams. wait for holidays. anyway, i'm getting a bit carried away. it's weird how we spend so much time waiting but yet all the fun things seem to happen while we're waiting. while waiting for the transporter lady to come pick me up from school, i've seen fights happen, i've seen people get stung by giant wasps, i've ran in the rain, i've missed the transporter lady and ended up having to walk home from school coz i didn't have money to get a cab and i swear, if i get on a bus, i'll get off in Ipoh.

and then you have parents who forget to pick you up...so there you are stupidly waiting for 2 hours thinking they're definitely on the way but they're really still in the office or already at home preparing dinner.

well...pleasant memories...

Sway To The Beat Of The Alcohol

2007-07-15T23:41:00.001+08:00

you know you're an alcoholic when you see something out of place and the first thing that comes to mind is that fateful night and a feeling of dread.

i was watching Sideways with my bro not too long ago. it has won lots of awards and every other review i've read praises the film to the nether worlds. we bought the DVD under the impression that it was gonna be really good. when it ended, my bro said it was the most boring movie he had ever seen. a Rotten Tomatoes review says it was "A brilliant exploration of life, longing and second chances." to me, the movie just made me wanna drink wine and eat. maybe that, on top of all its brilliance, too was intentional but seriously, the only way one would truly appreciate this movie to its full potential is to get a hold of a good bottle of wine and experience it the way the lead characters do. Swirl, sniff, and sip.

word of the day: nobody drinks alone

Victim Of Circumstance

2007-07-06T22:00:00.001+08:00

choices are a weird thing.

i wish i didn't have any...if only i had everything already planned out for me then i won't have to decide. i won't have to choose. someone i know said that choosing not to choose is also a choice. how very true...

if you know me at all, you'll know that i can't make decisions to save my life. whether it's about where to eat, what to do, who to invite...i'm terrible at it. i make plans on top of plans because i have no idea which i'd rather do and then end up blowing everyone off.

see, you get choices be it going drinking or watching a movie or going to Genting...we all get choices but when you can't decide which activity you'd rather take on, you just don't decide...and then one by one all your plans pass you by.

you think that everything will stay as it is but life will always find ways to kick you in the ass...maybe it's for your own good...maybe it's a much needed wake up call...

choices...i hate choices. you think you made the right choice and then that damn choice turns its ugly head and bites you in the nose.

word of the day: the horizon is an imaginary line that recedes as you approach it.

No, I Don't Want You To Stalk Me

2007-07-02T15:50:00.000+08:00

do you ever learn how to say 'no'?

i thought i was getting better at it until i did something so phenomenally stupid.....

i have no words to describe how stupid i feel...naive and stupid...

there i was in college, just after class, waiting for my friend to reach. i sat outside the library to do some work when this Nigerian guy came up to me and started talking to me. i'm generally friendly on first encounter, so we chatted. cut a long story short, due to my phenomenal stupidity, we exchanged numbers...i won't even try to defend myself by saying that i was cornered into it coz i basically have a problem with saying 'no'...

now i've got this annoying situation on my hands and no idea how to get out of it...he keeps calling me, i haven't answered any of the calls. maybe i can just wait till he wears out. maybe i can pick up one of his calls and scream at him. it's weird how these people seem to have so much time on their hands. calling every few hours, everyday..."Don't you have things to do??" i can almost see him bumming around at home, chilling on his beanbag while hitting 'redial' every so often.

seriously...i'm not amused...

Happy-Single?

2007-06-19T22:14:00.001+08:00

what do you do when people start to mistake your guy friend as your something-more-than-a-friend?

maybe i've got this look that makes people think that i can't do anything on my own thus, i need a guy. maybe i'm too gullible. maybe it's a guy thing not to care about inconsequential matters (they won't actively do anything to treat the problem). whatever it is, it's annoying as heck.

people start making almost inappropriate comments that can easily be overlooked but seriously, it gets you thinking. "OMG do they think we're together??" and then the moment passes and it's too late to correct the situation. things go back to normal. but not really coz they start giving up their seats so that the both of you can sit together and then they talk amongst themselves purposely leaving you out of the conversation so that the both of you can have some time together and then they start asking you where [insert name of fake boyfriend] is whenever you're spotted without him around. it's almost as if they brought up that mildly inappropriate comment that first time as confirmation and because you ignored it, it's confirmed. "OMG WE'RE NOT TOGETHER!!" you would have loved to scream but then...that's just rude...

so what do you do when the people talking aren't people you know personally? even worse, what if the people talking are people you know whom didn't want to talk to you about it so instead went around spreading suspicions? do you wait for the phase to pass? stop seeing your fake boyfriend? get a real boyfriend?

word of the day: "[Being drunk in the middle of the day] is intoxicating. It's like having a secret."

A Memorial

2007-06-15T00:32:00.002+08:00

in remembrance of my dear Bunion.

what a horrible way to go. my little Bunion escaped from his cage this afternoon and got bitten by his housemate, the German Shepherd. though of course this little Bunion of mine was anything but little. s/he grew up to be a huge, growling, biting, unfriendly rabbit that no one dared to go near to.

i wonder what happened. s/he was the sweetest thing during infancy...the cutest thing...the fuzziest thing...not smelly in the least...i just happened to contract a nasty skin fungus from the fur which was why i had to give him/her up after a few months along with Carat, the roommate.

i wish i could've kept them longer...i wish i could've seen Bunion at least one more time before he got taken away from the world.

Bunion on the left and Carat on the right.

"My dear Bunion, I really enjoyed the time we spent together even though it was only a small part of your life. Thanks for being such a wonderful blessing. Carat, Andrew and I are gonna miss you."

Rain On My Parade

2007-06-04T21:56:00.001+08:00

how does rain make you feel?

halfway through my last class, it started raining. i had parked on that damn hill my college made into a carpark with which i still have undecided feelings about. that damn carpark is situated on a blady hill but yet it appears nearer to my class block than the parking lots on ground level (i wish i could paint a clearer picture but my ability to describe things seem, obviously, lacking).

that damn carpark on a hill is still halfway completed. the ground is made out of sand and these small greyish-white stones that look like granite...is it granite stones? if i'm wrong well, my entire rock vocabulary revolves and, with good reason, should only revolve around precious stones.

anyway, think about how insanely difficult it is to walk on stones...and then think about walking on them wearing heels...and then think about walking on them wearing heels as rain pours down, loosening the sand thus making every step a slippery comedy...

but rain has a weird calming effect once you're out of it. your clothes and hair is still a little damp, your books are all wet and wrinkly now, your shoes are all squeaky against the rubber mat of your car...you turn on the air-conditioning and as you quickly dry, your mood eases...driving in the midst of a thundering rainstorm with melancholic music blasting in the background (or presentground) somehow makes everything you've been worrying about seem insignificant. it's just you, John Mayer, and the long, near-invisible road ahead.

daylight is climbing the walls
cars start and feet walk the halls
the world awakes and now i'm safe
at least by the light of day

Quiet - John Mayer

it's a terrifying feeling of mortality but it is that knowledge that our bodies are easily destructible that puts everything into perspective. worries about success, the future, and a hot-bod by August take a backseat as i pull into Centerpoint's chinese hawker place and 'ta pau' the lunch i had planned to skip.

word of the day: the Energizer bunny will die in 20 years

Loose Screws Need Tightening

2007-06-01T01:01:00.000+08:00

screw that....

how indescribably annoying. i so totally thought that i would at least get into Volvo's The Hunt finals but...sigh...i went through so much trouble! even getting the treasure map from the Volvo dealership was no easy task. the salesmen all just wanted to sell cars! i had to sit through 45 minutes worth of sales pitch before they were willing to hand me the map...and now i want an S40 T5...

aih...anyway, this is my long overdue update so...
my new semester started a few weeks back. everything's going ok for now...two of my language subjects are a great pain! it's so dry...but on a good note, remember my much earlier posts from when i just started up this blog, i was talking bout my writing lecturer who inspired me to produce quality work right? he stopped teaching coz he got promoted to head of creative arts...or something like that. we were all really disappointed at that time...he made a great teacher. imagine my utter surprise when he walked into my Public Speaking class. *grin* little miracles and little joys.

Photo Update!!

i starred in a music video!! yea...i'll have a set of autographed photos ready for mass distribution soon.

i went to the Good Charlotte concert and the clearest photo i got was this shaky one of me with a poster taken by someone who isn't me. screw that Photography class i took for a whole semester!

we went to Redang during the hols. this is Berjaya Resort's little strip of gorgeous beach that somehow we managed to stay on for 5 hours straight.

i got what i deserved: awful, patchy, burning-as-hell sunburns because i used sunscreen.

while Jac got what she deserved: gorgeous, even sunburn and a ride in our make-believe sand-F1 car.

.:Random thought:.
ever feel like there's just too few days in a week? i do...never would i have thought that i could ever feel that way but i guess life just loves rubbing things in your face. there's just so many things to do and there's so little time. you keep telling yourself that "i'll definitely have the time to do it next week" but you never get around to doing it. then comes the day when you finally realise that it's been 3 weeks and you still haven't worked off that extra piece of cake you had promised yourself that you would, and now you're a fat lump with uncontrollable bingeing urges. and by you, i mean me. aiyah...screw looking hot for Langkawi.

Easter

2007-04-08T21:42:00.000+08:00

*sigh of relief*

my hell weeks have officially ended. i would love to rant about all the deadlines i had to meet in a single week but i don't think i will today...i don't feel like ranting. i'm overjoyed actually...everything has ended. the boiling water has cooled. *huge sigh of relief* i can now go out because i want to and not because i need to get away from responsibility.

Easter Sunrise service today was great. even though i was lacking sleep, waking up at 4am didn't feel like a chore. in fact, it was a joy. being in ministry for so long can sometimes become a routine. serving during Christmas and Easter can sometimes become so mechanical. celebrating these occasions become so customary. i don't presume it's wrong to feel that way but i think sometimes we need to realise that when we celebrate these occasions, when we serve, it is to the Mighty One. do you ever celebrate a person's birthday without inviting the birthday person? the normal answer would be "no" right? anyway, Easter today was a joy because i wanted to celebrate this day with my Lord and it made all the difference. He's wonderful company.

Illustrate This

2007-03-14T23:12:00.000+08:00

OMG!!!! i hate Adobe Illustrator!!!!

OMG!!!! if i actually knew how to use it, i won't be so aggravated but seriously, the only thing my Design lecturer thaught us to do was to make cartoon eyes...ok, maybe she taught us a lot more but who can retain so much in one seating??

sigh...i'm annoyed and slightly stressed out coz i gotta hand in that stupid magazine cover page i should be working on now. how the hell do i use Illustrator????

*happy thoughts....happy thoughts*

urgh...i have no happy thoughts...i AM thinking of eating ice cream though but it's a depressing thought coz there's no ice cream at home...

anyway, after 2 months of not blogging, this is the best i can do. toodles.

Christmas Cheer

2006-12-26T01:36:00.001+08:00

time and tide,
i'm with the love of my life.
but why is it hard to see his face?
why can't i recognise his voice?

Christmas is here,
i can only long.
long to be seen,
long to be recognised.

it's a few past Christmas,
i sit alone with an unnatural brokenness.
torn.

i want to feel like i belong. but if i do, would i be able to hold onto it?
i want to commit. but yet if i do, how long will it last? how long will I last?
it's hard not to waiver at the slightest hint of weakness.
it's hard not to lust after things that bring no benefit.
it's hard relying on something that is just too unpredictable.
can one differentiate stubbornness from perseverance?

word of the day : confidently wrong

Just Another Candle On A Cake

2006-12-14T05:21:00.000+08:00

yen, i'm sorry this is a very belated birthday wish...i know i have yet to call you...things just seem to happen at the weirdest of times...

girl, i'm glad that our friendship has brought us this far. i'm glad that you trust me enough to share your deepest thoughts and fears with me. 21 is just a number...what is truly significant is your experiences and the memories that carry you along this lifetime. let's toast to our hurts and trials because that's where we find happiness. let's dance to our achievements. let's celebrate life together.

dearest friend, i wish you every good wish i can possibly think of on your 21st birthday. May the Lord continue to guide your steps and light your way.

lots of love,
leen

Riding In Cars with Boys

2006-12-14T04:32:00.000+08:00

so Singapore was a blast!

4 of us plus Becky's dad took the train down. an arduous 8-some hours on a train with nothing but sleeping chambers. awfully small, claustrophobic sleeping chambers. terribly uncomfortable upper-bunk beds. makes for 4 sleep deprived individuals on a mission to shop. well, the main purpose of our trip was to attend the Casting Crowns conference and concert.

we left KL on sunday night and reached monday morning. took a cab over to Becky's granma and aunt's place in Woodlands, which would be our place of residence for the first two nights. though the place was small, it was really cosy. they were both so hospitable! the granma woke up early to ta pau breakfast for us each morning. i kinda miss them now...

wednesday was the day of the conference. basically, it was a leader's conference. Mark Hall is a fantastic speaker. we only managed to attend the concert on thursday night and it was really good! they sound almost exactly the same live as they do on their CD.

wednesday would also be the day we packed up and moved to Becky's parents' condo. hehehe...that place...it was actually really REALLY nice but because the previous tenants only moved out a few days back, the place was bare. no fridge, no sofa, no TV...well, there was a bed for Beck's parents and 2 mattresses for the girls...that was it...and air-conditioning (which really, would be the only thing that mattered).

we left on friday night and reached KL saturday morning.

public transportation is a gift to posers and camwhores.
MOS night at Clarke Quay. that place is GORGEOUS. even if not for the clubbing and drinking, go there to check out the decor.

this trip was actually very kinky...spending that much time with a person can cast a light on hidden attributes...
i know i'm not giving a very detailed account but it's late...i'm tired...i have an early morning tomorrow...i just needed something to do before going to sleep.

I'm "it"

2006-11-30T01:06:00.000+08:00

so i've been tagged.

"orite la Ally, don't *smacks* k?"
a quick update, i've been working the past month for my parents. need to gather enough money to have a decently enjoyable trip to Singapore next week. woohoo! i suppose i'll have more updates when i get back...i suppose...

Part 1: On the Outside
Name: Ai Leen
Birth Date: 5th February
Current status: single
Eye Color: dark brown
Hair Color: dark brown with what once used to be violet highlights but now it's just...sigh....
Righty or Left: ambi
Zodiac Sign: aquarius

Part 2: On the Inside
Your Heritage: chinese
Your Fear: lizards...exploding things
Your Weaknesses: cute little fuzzy things, and my Supra
Your Perfect Pizza: lots of cheese, lots of meat, no onions

Part 3: Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up: "Shit! i overslept"
Your bedtime: tentative
Your most missed memory: Melbourne

Part 4: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi. but i hardly drink carbonated drinks anymore...
McD or Burger King: Burger King
Single or Group Dates: group. somehow it's just more fun...single dates will always be there
Adidas or Nike: nike
Lipton Tea or Nestea: nestea
Chocolate or Vanilla: choc
Cappucino or Coffee: coffee

Part 5: Do You...
Smoke: nope
Curse: i dunno...do i?

Part 6: In the Past Month
Drank alcohol: yup
Gone to the mall: yup
Been on stage: yup
Eaten sushi: yup...hehe funny story that...somehow it's always sushi at The Curve
Dyed your hair: nope

Part 7: Have You Ever?
Played a stripping game: stripping games always involve a certain level of drunkenness right? so i honestly can't remember
Changed who you were to fit in: i suppose we all do that at times

Part 8
Age you're hoping to be married: heh...that's a conversation for another day

Part 9: In A Guy/Girl
Best Eye Color: grey. so incredibly mystical...yum
Hair Color: doesn't matter
Short or Long Hair: doesn't matter

Part 10: What Were You Doing?
1 minute ago: answering Part 7 i guess
1 hour ago: washing my hair
4.5 hours ago: on the phone
1 month ago: probably yum cha-ing
1 year ago: mending a broken relationship while ending a problematic one

Part 11: Finish The Sentence
I love: speed
I feel: like frying nuggets to eat but i'm too damn lazy and it's too damn late
I hate: waiting
I hide: my dirty undies
I miss: the gti
I need: money

Love Apprehensive

2006-11-10T02:15:00.000+08:00

someone once said that the opposite of love is not hate but in fact fear.

i can't quite remember what the person's explanation for that statement was but my interpretation is this. hate means that there is a lack of love. you can't love someone and hate him at the same time but you can intensely dislike.

life has taught me that the essence of love is exactly as the bible says...or at least it has become my only point of reference if ever there is doubt in that area. so read with me;

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 Corinthians 13:4

makes sense doesn't it? hate takes form because there is no love but not when there is no love. you don't immediately start hating someone just because you've fallen out of love. but, when love is taken away, fear takes its place. fear causes insecurity, doubt, discontent. fear makes a person act without thinking things through. fear makes a person settle for something less than s/he deserves. fear heightens a person's desire to want.

so, is it wrong to want? is it wrong to settle for something less just because it happens to be there at the right time?

i guess if love is what it is, then love is what i want. the kind of love that drives away my fears.

Tickle-y Prick, Prickly Stick.

2006-10-31T04:45:00.000+08:00

sometimes it's just so hard to know what to want.

we all have options, choices...maybe even too many. so how do we know what to want when the pros and cons aren't clear? or when you're so consumed with temptation that your thoughts get clouded over with the desire to act impulsively?

i've been lusting to fill my mouth with the taste of cold mango but right next to mango is cherries. cherries don't come around everyday. cherries taste good and dark red IS the color of passion, excitement, blood. is it then still better to have mango? aren't i allowed to indulge in a moment of fickle-ness? what if the cherries are gone by the time tomorrow comes? mangoes are high maintenance though...takes more effort because of the need to peel before eating. not the case with cherries. just pop and go...but then i started off wanting mangoes...why have i lost focus? why am i contemplating when i've wanted mangoes all this while? is it really that easy to lose sight of your heart's desires? is it that easy to let go of years of hopes and dreams over something that promises nothing more than short term satisfaction? is it that easy to forget?

do you think it's rational to make a decision without much deliberation? expiry stickers limit the thought process but how much is too much? if time makes things clearer then maybe time is the ultimate decision maker. time will make both mango and cherries go bad. time will make mango into a tree with or without you. time robs you of your choices.

what to do, what to do...

Her Silence

2006-10-05T00:24:00.000+08:00

She sees them walking hand-in-hand. They kiss. She is immediately reminded of the lies, the deceit, the betrayal but yet there is no hate. No anger. It's as though someone licked his spoon and stuck it in her soup. At first she's confused, and then she gets territorial. "What was I?" She walks on. It's not fair. He's always ahead of her. "Why didn't I see it coming?" Love isn't blind. Pride and self blinds. She wants perfection but needs to understand that perfection comes from God. She longs for the day the silence breaks. "Oh Lord, when will it be my turn? Will I always be in someone else's shadow?" She sighs in frustration.

Absenteeism

2006-09-24T22:45:00.001+08:00

*sheepish smile* so i've been lazy to blog...

the past month's been pretty hectic. i realised that the older i get, the more obligations i feel, somewhat, compelled to meet. maybe coz it wouldn't have occured to me to look after certain people's feelings...but now i do...sigh...responsibilities are a biatch.

anyway, on a lighter but still complainey note, i can't seem to win anything! i enter competitions, i enter draws...i don't win crap!!! ally wins lotsa stuff. zeb wins big stuff. everyone gets free tickets to everything. why i don't have wan?! yeesh....and i sooo wanted that Cayman S from the Malaysian Charity Draw....*mumble grumble*

on a much lighter note, the highlight of my month came extremely unexpected. my bro and dad went to Singapore for business. when they came back, my mom and i thought they'd have at least bought back some fun stuff with them but guess what they brought back? kampung chicken eggs. wtf?? anyway, inspite of the grave disappointment, we went along our routinely lives...until a night later. my dad handed me this plastic bag which i opened. *giggle giggle, twirl hair-twirl hair* remember me lamenting bout my lost flashlight? my daddy got me another one!!! it's exactly the same except for the rubber grip handle. hehehe! little joys...

apart from these happening happenings,
the 4hotchiqz have been reunited...
but then we have yet to take a picture of all four of us together...

i finally attended a Mass Comm end-of-semester-ly house party.

we celebrated Ally's 19th birthday!!
girl, you've grown to be beautiful in all aspects of your life. may the Lord continue to bless you and use you not only in your areas of ministry but also in your college, at home, at work, at yam chas, at the movies, at shopping, and anywhere else you frequent. when the road is winding, we will walk it hand-in-hand, building each other up all for the glory of God.

church carnival, a fundraising event for the building of the Calvary Convention Center
i was scheduled to help out at my Lifegroup's t-shirt & knick knacks stall at 1pm. i reached just before 1, managed to shovel in half a personal pizza before running off to the Lifegroup stall. sigh...by the time i got off duty, almost everything was sold out. no more curry laksa. no more paper wrapped chicken. no more Delicious by Ms Read cupcakes. sigh...suppose i'll have to wait till next year...

word of the day: Charlie Chaplin entered a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest and came in 3rd.

Weight Loss for Dummies

2006-08-12T02:40:00.000+08:00

i feel miserable...

this is diet day 3...or day 2...doesn't matter la. i still feel miserable...my diet does not require me to skip meals or avoid certain food groups or even have me eat canned beets for a week. all i need to do is cut down...stop drinking leong cha with sugar, always always order kopi 'o' ice kosong, try to avoid finishing all the rice on my plate, eat more vege than meat, and don't eat anything after 9 to 10pm...that's all...but yet my tummy's protesting...why ar? have i really been eating that much all this while?? no wonder i've been gaining weight...stupid...

i workout every other day now, 40 minutes per day...nothing very strenuous but yet i'm getting hungrier and hungrier.

i can't give up now though. need to shed that extra 5kg plus 1 inch i've put on since the beginning of the year...*yoikes!* aza aza fighting!

i was contemplating whether or not to post this. it's sooo incredibly amusing!!! not very family friendly though but oh well...one way or another la...

*roflmao* this seemingly innocent looking chair-like thing, has got to be the most inventive thing since electric toothbrushes.

seriously, how much lazier can our generation get?

i did read somewhere though that sex helps to burn calories...heh heh heh...

If You Think That's Bizarre

2006-08-03T03:00:00.000+08:00

i just finished an assignment that's due tomorrow...

it's nearing 3am and i'm blogging...i've got a freakin long day tomorrow and i'm blogging at 3am...i haven't been blogging regularly for the past 2 months or so and i'm blogging now at 3am...

so you know what's b'zah?
i'm actually proud of my work...the words just flowed *grin*

but you know what else is b'zah?
i'm actually happy after 3 hellish weeks of depression and insecurity...ok lar...not happy "WOOHOO!" happy, but the "i'm actually proud of my work" happy.

but this is really b'zah!
i actually stayed in on a Friday night to change my bedsheets. no shit! i was at Ikano with my mommy that night and we bought a whole bunch of bedsheets from Aussino. NO SHIT! the discounts were insane...!! anyway, i was so excited bout the bedsheets that i stayed in, vaccumed my room, sorted out my dirty clothes, cleaned up my floor...NO SHIT!! i have proof...well, i have proof that i changed my bedsheets la...

but this is insanely b'zah!!
i actually wanted to go to last Sat's youth concert alone. i ended up going with a car-ful of people though...not that they wanted to go with me la. piss a$$es just needed transport...cis bedebah! it's about time for at least one of you to step up and be a man...fetch me! drive me!
so anyway, we reached the concert and i went about taking pictures like i was a pro...having this SLR-like Lumix FZ30 in my hands, i was set...funny how i have no idea what any of the functions mean...not so funny how one of the only pictures that came out nice was this one...and it's off center...and it's of people, not the concert...the hair's amusing as heck though =)

now this is completely b'zah...
i went to a Tangs sale, and bought nothing. i dragged a very reluctant brother into the Island Shop in 1u under the pretense that i wanted him to check out some insane bargains on the men's clothes but really, i wanted to see the heels at Tangs. 50%-70% off a HUGE selection of heels. the whole damn place was a mess of discount tags.......
my bro bought a pair of capris and i bought nothing...stupid....
p/s: that happened on Sunday i think. i went back today and got a cute pair of low-heeled sandal thingies

Enlighten Me

2006-07-28T14:16:00.000+08:00

i lost my flashlight...

drew gave me this really nice LED (i think) flashlight a few weeks back. i thought i put it in the car's glove compartment but when i checked it last week, it wasn't there...where could it be? i did that whole trace-your-steps-back thing but couldn't find it.

sigh...i really liked it...

ever get that feeling of unsatisfaction that when you can't find something you're looking for, you ultimately feel compelled to find other stuff..? i did...i went around my whole house looking for that flashlight and when i couldn't find it, i started randomly rummaging through stuf. i dug through some of my old stuff that i stored and sealed away when i was redecorating my room. i came up with year books, keychains, rings...a Sally bobblehead figurine...

i guess it made me feel a bit better for losing the flashlight...

High Maintenance

2006-07-27T00:39:00.000+08:00

i feel empty...

maybe it's because i'm pampered...i dunno...i take my dinners pretty seriously. i like to have good dinners...i really don't care bout breakfast or lunch but dinners really REALLY matter to me...i had economy rice for dinner today...and yesterday...once is bad enough what more twice in a row! i feel so unsatisfied...so empty...*grumble grumble*

Japan GT

2006-06-26T09:36:00.000+08:00

*this is Monday's post

yesterday was the best day of my life...

before leaving for Phuket, Andrew told me he'd get us Japan GT tickets for the weekend but until the day he left, there wasn't anymore talk bout it. i thought he probably forgot..nevermind la...it's in Sepang anyway. PANAS giler...

we go out on Friday after he comes back, tells me that his cousin got some free passes and gave him 2. woohoo!

Sunday is race day so right after church, we zoom zoom there. when we reached, his cousin met us at an obscure parking lot entrance to bring us in...guess what passes we got...PADDOCK! omg...!!! we could watch the race in an air-conditioned glass box. we could go to the roof and watch the race start and then see the cars go round the fun-accident-prone bends, we just had to go from one side of the roof to the other. and the best part, WE GOT TO GO IN TO THE PIT!!! OMG!!! you have no idea how exciting it was. before the GT cars raced, the formula cars raced so we got to walk around the pit and watch the engineers fix up the GT cars. noone asked us to leave, noone apprehended us for taking pictures, noone, nothing. we even went to the opposite side of the pit, onto the divider separating the track from the pit and stood like a meter away from the crazy loud formula cars during the race...i felt like i was invisible...it was the coolest feeling in the world!

View From The Pit

View From The Paddock...The Glass Box (??)

Rooftop

I'm Thoroughly Amused

2006-06-14T10:53:00.000+08:00

i should've known better...

had a presentation today about alternative newspapers. it was my first class of the morning so i had my early morning coffee fix before. dude...nerves and caffeine induced alertness really don't mix. REALLY. think pulpitations and shaking hands, caffeine induced. think cold sweat and jumbled thoughts, nervousness. CANNOT THINK STRAIGHT. sigh...but i guess it went well...there's no marks for this presentation so no worries =)

Have You Ever Wondered...

Why does the sun lighten our hair,
but darken our skin?

Why can't women put on mascara
with their mouths closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor,
and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money
called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic
called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting,
who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

You know that indestructible black box
that is used on airplanes?????
Why don't they make the whole plane
out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments
when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro,
is Congress the opposite of progress?

Of Anger & Arrogance

2006-06-13T10:05:00.001+08:00

once again, Sedaya manages to achieve a higher level of incompetence...

wahlau...i hate Sedaya! i hate hate HATE Sedaya!! i came all this blady way for one morning class and class is CANCELED. waddafrik wei!!! and if it weren't for another classmate wandering around the halls, i wouldn't have known. apparently, my lecturer took a bunch of students from a different class for a field trip to an advertising firm...seeing as how this class that i'm taking only has 9 students, i guess she assumed that ALL the students from this class are also taking her other class...BUT I'M NOT! the other girl i found in the hall was supposed to go with them but i guess she's more sesat than me.

whatever la...i don't care if they all wanna take the whole damn month off to visit America without me. I DON'T CARE! just inform me about it and i can sleep in!! i'm soo annoyed....stupid stupid Sedaya....I HATE SEDAYA

anyway, i guess it's a good thing that i don't have class. i can now finish up some of my Journalism work.

oh...here's something amusing...it happened about 3 weeks ago but i was afraid it would be embarrassing so i didn't tell anyone bout it...but, since i've seen it and can be assured that it'll only take some serious hawk eyes to notice, i can't help but share =)

i'm in a KFC ad. harhar...it's sooo superbly embarrassing but don't care la. it's for the experience...i only got paid RM100 for 7 hours of waiting around throughout the wee hours of the morning but...don't care la. i can now say that "i do TV commercials". heehee...I'M FAMOUS!

and guess what...prepare to be proud of me. i washed a car...*basks in moment of silent awe* i think it's been more than half a decade since i've had to wash a car. andrew lent me his car for 2 weeks now and already then did it need a wash. it was so dusty...and covered in red bird poop. i'm so proud of myself...and the car. it's now road worthy. the paint color is now truly silver and not champagne. i can now open the door without having to carefully avoid bird poop and dust. i can now see through the windscreen clearly. and that's after washing without using car shampoo...just wait la. i'll get it sparkling again in no time...

word of the day : there's confidence in uncertainty

Black

2006-06-07T10:01:00.000+08:00

i knew this was gonna be a bad day the moment the McDs sauce dispenser was out of chilli sauce...

i almost got into an accident...sheesh...i know it was completely my fault but when you start using "fuck you"s and such, i can't help but shout back...

can i blame my lack of alertness on the fact that i'm still half asleep? i missed my 1st class...stupid jam on that Eastin highway...what's it called? so annoying...i could've slept in! had to rush coz i needed to print my article for my Journalism class. printers take awhile to warm up right, so i left it there...came back 10 minutes later to find that my printer was out of black ink...*curses* how the hell am i supposed to hand up my work now?? the printer could have alerted me bout my ink shortage before it went empty right?? couldn't print shit...*stupid stupid*

anyway, i wrote this halfway last night.
ever notice how the people you take pictures with affect how you look?

i have...somehow when i'm with people i love, i photograph better...maybe not all the time la but there are a select few pictures that i just look great in. well, not just for me but other people too. been blog surfing while waiting and i just had to take notice of it...the person looked so beautiful next to her closest friend.

maybe it's coz we're more comfortable with that other person...maybe it's coz we're genuinely smiling for the camera when with that other person...maybe it's coz there's so much love and care between the two that it reflects on the camera lens...

p/s: day just got a bit better. Mr Josh Hartnet just walked into the comp lab. *smile*

I Can't Win...

2006-06-03T12:07:00.001+08:00

isn't it weird how often we have bad days...

they play that Daniel Powter song on the radio at least 10 times a day per station and i find myself being able to relate almost everytime. how bad's a day gotta be before that song stops being uplifting...?

does hiding feelings actually equal deceit?

by giving someone else priority, am i being naive?

by giving someone else priority, am i actually doing the person a favour while i hold a grudge?

can the unspoken be heard?

can I hear the unspoken? or am i choosing not to hear...?

why is it so much easier to ask things that are unimportant and neglect the things that matter?
maybe coz it matters too much to put it at risk...?

i want to move but i can't,
so help me to move.
i want to speak but i can't,
so speak for me!
i want to see you for who you are but i can't!!
i can't...

word of the day : the fear of losing everything will lose you everything

Material Girl

2006-05-25T09:14:00.000+08:00

things that i want,
things that i need.
all in all are things that i'd like,
but all but one will soon be mine.

i grew up reading Mr Men children's books so that pair of Mr Happy shoes would make me really happy. either that or the Tron one. the colors are gorgeous!

Tag Heuer Alter Ego. i've been eyeing it for like a year but...slightly pricey la. i know it looks a bit plain but i love it! it's soo different from all their other collections, an understated beauty.

yummy yummy. the new K610i is RED!! shit...so sexy...

Oakley Crosshair. purple lenses! what else can i say...

Content Being Confused

2006-05-19T08:50:00.000+08:00

so i've become one of those people who let other people dictate their lives...

isn't it weird that pressure makes you perform better? i guess it's the fear of loss that drives people...

haven't been blogging for awhile coz i've been confused...confusion doesn't do well with blogging. how do you tell your life story when you yourself have no idea what's in your head...or have no idea how to arrange the content...

whatever...i'm still confused...

my new semester started 3 weeks ago. i've finally got all my subjects confirmed and i'm satisfied...i could be more satisfied but for now, i'm just satisfied...there's this one person in my class that's annoying every last vein in my body. everyday, my annoyance soars to a higher level. i'm not normally mean, but i really can't help it here...maybe i'm getting more cold hearted, maybe i'm easier to annoy now, or maybe he's just plain friggin ANNOYING!!

anyway, i take back what i said bout Sedaya not having any cute guys. i've been bumping into this guy at the cafeteria who looks like Josh Hartnet (!!!!)...deep breaths, people...JOSH HARTNET!!! he has that whole cool, quiet, bad boy thing down to an 'O'. serious shit...he's my McSteamy...

p/s: anyone up for shopping?
________________________________________________________

here's something i've been thinking about...managed to work out this bit of confusion into something coherent but never managed to get an answer.

where's the line drawn between reasoning and denial?

i've always given people the benefit of the doubt, which is probably why i appear upbeat. but after all this while, could all my reasoning actually have been an escape from the truth? maybe that's why i don't question people...the whole ignorance thing.

are you confused? here's an example.
a stranger sitting at an opposite table appears to be taking a picture of you with his camera phone.

reasoning : he's just sms-ing but the screen's contrast is blocked out by the sun so he's holding the phone in a weird position

denial : he really is taking a picture of you but you can't confirm it so you ignore.

aih....this is really weird

Every Coin Has Two Sides

2006-04-21T00:35:00.001+08:00

i know it's been a long time...

yesterday was my last paper of the semester. it felt so great...
...to be able to wake up early in the morning but still have no little voice reminding you of unfinished work...to be able to sleep early as there are no longer needs to procrastinate...to be able to blog not because you need something to take your mind off assignments but just for the heck of it...to be able to eat properly as there is no longer anymore stress to catalyse bingeing...sigh...feels kinda weird....

i started working for my parents in the beginning of this week. my mom is such a menace! she hadn't touched any of her paperwork since i stopped working last year. my bro did a bit and then became a lazy shit...the amount of paperwork is insane...but i suppose it's better than that horrible data entry nonsense.

anyway, i've been thinking...is it possible that what we look for in a romantic partner is a person that enhances our weaker traits?
an outgoing person could be great with someone s/he could stay home with.
an independent person could find comfort in someone s/he could submit to.
a career driven person could find pride in someone who doesn't care for money or status.
a materialistic person could find gratification in a person who s/he is comfortable with just being simple.

maybe that's what they mean when they say "you complete me". you're a whole person because that special someone helped you to discover things that you thought were never there. maybe the whole notion that 'opposites attract' is somewhat true?

hehe...i understand it, i've experienced it, but i don't believe it. it's nice for a change but definitely not long term. how long do you think you can stand being with someone who constantly wants to stay home while you are dying to go out? eventually your prevalent nature will, well, prevail...right?

just so you know, i'm blogging for the heck of it...

word of the day : i'm so broke that i can't even pay attention

You Scratch My Back, I'll Thank You

2006-04-03T18:33:00.000+08:00

what a long week it's been...

i can't wait for my semester to end, which will be at the end of this week, but dude...the last week's been insanely long...i'm sleep deprived...i need a massage...

aih...get those horrible assignments over with and i'm DONE!
exams ought to be easy...or at least easier than cramming for deadlines

i've got a twitch for watch shopping. it's a weird fetish i have. i simply love watches!! i love my own watches and i love looking at other people's lovely watches. i've come up with the Ai Leen Watch Theory that says you can tell a person's personality just by looking at their watches.

reasons to substantiate this theory:
1. a watch is expensive enough for a person to think twice before buying. therefore, a lot of thought goes into a watch purchase, thus reflecting individual taste and the way they think.

2. everyone has at least one watch be it their own, borrowed, or given.

3. people wear their watches almost everyday so even if you meet someone for the 1st time, you can already somewhat judge

how it works?
1. look at how it fits.
- too loose = thrifty. they probably bought it quite sometime ago expecting to grow into it. likes to prepare for the future. may have a substantial bank account balance.

2. look at the face color
- silvers / blacks / whites / navy blues = practical. most likely to be an everyday watch

3. look at the strap
- rubber straps = sporty / allergic to metal. it won't smell even after heavy sweating nor will it cause irritation from tarnishing
- metal straps = hmm...i actually don't know. it's just nice to look at i guess, so it indicates that the individual has good taste
- cloth straps = youth. may be younger than you were lead to believe

well, there's more to it really...but then you'll have to be me to understand (though of course, i don't go around judging people by their watches. the theory just came to me while i was on the way to college and thought it pretty amusing. i don't actually use it.)...so like i said, i've got a watch fetish...

i've got an itch for bag shopping. i just realised that bigger bags are always better...i can hardly stuff anything into my small ones anymore...it's a sign of aging. ever see moms using anything smaller than a brick? stuffing an extra kohl pencil into my bag is an entire feat in itself...it's so long...!

i've got a rash for shoe shopping. i can't believe i keep wearing the same black pair. i wanted to keep it for nicer outings than classes but i just can't seem to find anything to match college clothes...black goes with everything right...

sigh...however, looks like i'll be scratching for a month since i've got no money to buy 'rash cream'..."curses on thy sexy Oakley frames!!"

The Actualization Of A Miserable Week

2006-03-28T21:58:00.002+08:00

indulgences of the day:
1. i took a 2 hour breakfast this morning instead of getting started on my remaining 5 movie journals due by the end of the week

2. dressed up a lil nicer than usual to go to my old college to hassle them for my refund

3. i finally bought the pair of Oakleys that i've had my eye on for a whole entire week. woohoo! darling half wires, red iridium lenses. sexy stuff...

4. i'm blogging now even though i really should be doing my movie journals...think i'm gonna go sleep 1st and then wake up early to do it...*yawnerz* i'm so sleepy

deprivations for the rest of the week:
1. no more early nights. i really need to finish up my movie journals. my films class is 100% in-class assessment. no exams...pros and cons la

2. no more expensive meals...actually, this deprivation should last at least a month...those Oakleys were really quite pricey

3. no more breaks between classes. gotta finish up my movie journals plus meet up with my group members to discuss our final assignments...3 in total, all due next week...

see, i noticed that with every decision a person makes, there are always consequences be it good or bad ones. the consequence for procrastinating is 2 weeks of sleepless nights. the consequence for buying items that are beyond my budget is a month of economy rice and no movies.

sigh...

word of the day : just in time to be late

Step Aside

2006-03-24T17:09:00.000+08:00

i want to be able to want
i want to be able to say things i don't mean
i want to be able to act without thinking
i want to not be wanted
i want to be able to see the things that i don't want to see
i want to be able to want you without having you
i want to be able to spend everything but still have everything
i want to have the moon that was promised me, though i may not know where to put it
i want you to know,
but i just need you to be

Gonna Make This A Night To Remember

2006-03-11T04:05:00.000+08:00

i got back from prom not too long ago, took my bath, got ready for bed, but somehow i can't seem to sleep so...let's blog bout prom =)

the theme of the prom was Fantasie (don't ask me why it's spelt like that. i'm sure there's a meaning to it but i have no idea...), something about making dreams and fantasies a reality...so, like i said in my earlier post, some of my girl friends had planned to go as angels and the guys as devils and pimps. i started getting kinda excited bout dressing up coz i've always wanted to dress-up or go to a costume party...so fun...anyway, it was a bit too late for me to run about looking for a cute costume so i just had to make-do...ran out in the afternoon to get some black ribbon to tie on my arm...hehe! whatever la...at least it made a fashion statement...

so, when i reached Sunway Lagoon Resort, only 2 of my girl friends came as angels. dunno what happened to everyone else...

Fantasie was ok...a prom will always be a prom...the programs are always almost the same but it's the people that make a difference. i'm so glad i decided to go...even if it did take ALOT of persuading. i tell you, i made camwhores out of my entire table...

here's some pictures...

Lionel and i (those are NOT my fingers)

Pui Ei and i

an angel who shed her wings and a confused girl who shed her ribbons

my date for the night. he was so sweet, he even bought me flowers *grin*

why, hello there Mr Pilot-Man

Mr Almost-Prom-King, Ms Almost-Prom-Queen, and Ms Where's-The-Camera?

everyone wears black to proms...

all in all, i had a good time...made some pretty good friends in the process...learnt some pretty interesting stuff bout people...ate some pretty good tasting sweet n' sour fish...got a stick of pretty nice lipgloss as a door gift...i finally learnt how to blowdry my hair right...i now know how to stick rhinestones on my face...

conclusion? proms are educational

These Are Just Moments

2006-03-08T16:58:00.000+08:00

last week was interesting

i met up with a good friend that i haven't seen in more than a year! it was sooo good to see him again *grin*

Don and me

i watched Gamarjobat on Fri, this comedy duo from Japan with Zeb, Kurt, & Sin Yee. harhar! amusing shit....

don't laugh...............i went for the Hitzfm Birthday Bash at Malacca on Sat....juvenile as it may sound, we actually had a pretty fun time. dinner was a blast, "yea Ally?", with all the apples and tomatoes and Duta Biskut Julie. anyway, we got to watch a Moffatt perform, Reshmonu, and Jason Lo...Jason Lo's pretty damn good!!!

my parents left for NZ Saturday afternoon. they'll be back on Monday next week so i've got the car this whole entire week *grinnnn* well, it's nice to have the freedom to come and go as i please but damn Sedaya's shitty ass parking system is pissing the pants off of me. they started this season pass thing in January but even before classes commenced, those passes were sold out. so now the damn parking lot inside college is only parkable to people with passes. those without have to park like half a lifetime away from college and walk the mile under totally unreasonable weather. it's always either insanely hot or raining monkeys and elephants. crappy ass system...so what if i only have to go through this for a week *mumble grumble*

college life is getting increasingly hectic...last week and this week have been stressful to the max. midterms la, assignments la, presentations la...i had a presentation today but only started working on it last night even though my lecturer gave us the topic a week ago, so i slept at like 4. i've been really slacking in Film Studies. gosh!! i've piled up about 8 or 9 movie journals so far and now he reminds us of our final presentation that's due in 2 weeks...tralala *prances back into denial*

so check this...i'm going for prom this comin Friday. i actually wasn't looking forward to it coz, well, you know i have issues with Sedaya wan la but then, how do you say no to people? besides, my ticket's fully sponsored *smile smile* got nothing to lose i suppose. it's gonna be held in Sunway Lagoon Resort and the theme is Fantasy. some of my friends already planned to go as angels...so nice yea? get to play dress-up. i feel like joining them but i'm wearing a black dress...maybe black wings? i dunno la...it's in 2 days...they haven't even found their wings yet...

some coll friends...

me and Helvi

Sia and Raymond

you know, the grossest thing that could ever happen to anyone would have to be dropping half a roll of toilet paper into your own toilet bowl. you definitely can't flush it away coz it'll cause a clog...fishing it up would be totally disgusting since it's only half a roll and would therefore be fully immersed...ABANDON TOILET!!!!!!

Philosophy Velocity

2006-02-20T09:13:00.001+08:00

is ignorance really bliss?
if one is truly ingnorant, then one will not realise that one does not know and thus will not be able to be blissful. one can only say that 'ignorance is bliss' when one already knows and thus finds that one would have been better off not knowing.

what's a better choice? to live in the present or to live for the promise?
to live in the present would mean living impulsively on decisions made based on current wants and desires. to live for the promise would mean holding off for something that promises to be good or great but one can never be too sure. so how does one live? is it better to be constantly paying the price for ones actions or is it better to not have to pay at all but yet consciously wonder about the 'what ifs' and the 'maybes'.

BM subtitles guide : She has to attend a Brownie meeting. Adik perlu hadiri mesyuarat Si Coklat

word of the day : bob the bandana bandit

Deja Vu

2006-02-13T13:11:00.000+08:00

*this is last monday's post (13th Feb). don't ask me how i actually forgot to publish it...

my mom's car fell sick this morning...some more during rush hour...not very nice la...an accident almost happened coz of it...waited an hour for AAM to arrive...waited another half an hour at Tan Chong to see the doctor...but like all bad things, there's always a good outcome...i got to skip my 1st class! teehee!

so Valentine's Day is tomorrow...and i've got a date with my vocal teacher...who's a lady. but somehow, there's not much hype going on this year right..? or is it just me? well, maybe it's coz i don't hang out with people who are that into the whole Valentine's thing...or maybe it's coz i don't have a date...or maybe it's coz i grew up enough to realise the ridiculouness of Valentine's...or maybe it's coz all this while, even though i had dates, they weren't exactly terribly romantic.
my 1st Valentine made me wait a good 40 mins in a shopping complex for him to arrive...
my 2nd one gave me a devotional book
and my 3rd gave me a Swiss Card
though of course they all involved flowers and dinner but that's not the point.....

i feel that Valentine's Day has grown so way out of proportion that every girl has this idealistic dream of being asked out for a faint-gracefully-into-your-arms romantic night by an enchantingly charming guy who actually has the ability to hold doors open for girls. why should this one day be so different from others? why should this one day suddenly make brute beer chugging football watching men turn into someone with explicably good taste in clothes? how destroyed a girl must feel when she comes home from a Valentine's date that was completely ruined just coz he didn't pull out her chair for her...

i'm not bitter ok...i just think that Valentine's Day could be an increasingly unhealthy ritual for both men and women alike

Oh, Butts & Nubbins!

2006-02-08T13:12:00.000+08:00

i'm one helluva student!!

i slept through my snooze this morning and jumped out of bed half an hour late only to find that my bro had already left. thought i'll follow my mom to the office and skip my 1st class la...thank God i didn't...my bro came back after brekky so i went to coll on an empty stomach and an unadulterated bloodstream...

i came in to my Advertising class a few minutes late, found my seat next to a friend, only to be informed that we had a quiz that morning. well, maybe not informed...more like reminded. OMG!! i totally forgot! i didn't study shit!! i didn't print out any notes!!! OMG!!! ................what the heck la...i sat through it anyway...and screwed it up...

that's not even the best part...or the worst. anyway, my next class was an hour away and i had some finishing touches to do on my assignment. we went to McDs (so damn in need of my caffeine fix) for breakfast while we all finished up on our work. supposed to do some artistic stuff with lines/shapes/colours to create an illusion of distance, movement, and direction. mine was very simple but, hopefully, still delivered the message. so, we got carried away doing our stuff...reached class 15 minutes late. i thought we just had to hand in our work coz we already presented our rough sketches on Monday. i didn't blady know that we had to present our stuff again!!! OMG!!!! of all days to decide to dress down, i chose today...wearing a baggy shirt & jeans, i presented some pretty last minute stuff. looks like i won't be acing anything this sem.....

*sigh*

an e-mail a friend sent me cheered me up abit...roses and sparkly things, i like

One Candle Older

2006-02-07T00:59:00.000+08:00

my 21st birthday lasted 3 days!!

i made plans with Prav more than a month ago to go out on the 3rd to celebrate my day so after S'pore i came straight home, changed and went out again. he had planned to take me to a restaurant in Plaza Damas called er...Flamin J's? i think...anyway, at Plaza Damas, he wanted to check out this place called D Lounge coz the 1st time i went there, i thought it'll be a great place to have a private party or drinking sesh, or whatever la...coz it's cosy and quiet and not many ppl know about it. so he brought me in there and when i reached upstairs, SAPLAIS!! he'd organised a surprise party for me. hehe! such a sweetie =) i seriously didn't see it coming at all...he's never done anything like that for me before...thank you so so much honey pie!! and all those who were involved in the planning one way or another. thanx Rin & Ally!! thanx Roo Roo!! and thanx to all those who made the effort to come; Yong, Yee, Yap, Joel, Rachel, Ben, Zeb, Kurt, Sin Yee, Tasya. and those who wanted to come but couldn't make it; Tabby, Jen Jen, Derek, Chewie, Barr. huggy bugs!!! i lovies you!! *smile*

Ally & Rin

Tasya & me

Ben & me

that's the most fantastic tasting choc cake in the history of Ai Leen

Joel, Yong, & Yee

the 4th night is one i'll never forget. Roo Roo brought me out for dinner at Luna Bar. gorgeous place!!! but damn hard to find your way up. we had to take like 3 different elevators and 2 flights of stairs to get there. all worth it though. prices there are reasonable and the food is fantastic!! the mushrooms on the pizza were sooo succulent i almost gave into rashes (i'm allergic to mushrooms) coz they were soo good...the dessert was arguable though...it was a fully chocolate creation that consisted of a slice of RICH choc pie, some hazelnut choc ice cream thing, a shot glass of choc mousse and a shot glass of vanilla something. it was called Death By Chocolate and we really died...serious shit! we barely finished half... such a waste...
anyway, that wasn't the best part of the night. we finished dinner early so i decided i wanted to do something out of the norm and when Roo mentioned Genting, i immediately knew what i wanted to do. i drove up to Genting for the very 1st time and it was at night some more...the sharp bends took abit of getting used to but after awhile, DAMN FUN!!! at Genting we went into the casino for my very 1st time and lost 10 bucks. i can now say i did all this before 21.

i know this is a terribly blur pic la but check out the view behind me. it was gorgeous!

the 5th was more relaxed. my bro took me on a mini shopping spree. thanx kheng! =) and then dinner was with me family at Shun, this Jap restaurant opposite Sheraton Subang.

OMG CAKE!!

mmm...candles...yum....

oh! and thanx to all those who wished me through sms...i'm sorry if i didn't reply. have been really low on credit since CNY and roaming in S'pore.

thank you for making that day so special for me. it really helped me get over my getting-old-depression / midlife crisis...it did...

lots of love,
Ai Leen